The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

This is a book about self-awareness. What Mark Manson would probably tell you, and he'd probably be right, is that you don't have enough.

“Self-awareness is like an onion. There are multiple layers to it, and the more you peel them back, the more likely you're going to start crying at inappropriate times.”

He describes three layers of the self-awareness onion: 1. A simple understanding of your emotions. 2. The ability to ask why you feel an emotion. 3. Personal values which determine how you measure yourself and those around you. Personal values define success and failure. This last level he says is the hardest to get to and is “full of f*cking tears.” But it's the most important because “our values determine the nature of our problems, and the nature of our problems determines the quality of our lives.”

“Everything we think and feel about a situation ultimately comes back to how valuable we perceive it to be.” And “What is objectively true about your situation is not as important as how you come to see the situation, how you choose to measure it and value it.”

There's a lot of wisdom there if you're ready for it.

As you might have guessed by now, the title isn't really descriptive of the book. Mark, in fact, gives lots of f**ks, they're just about the things that are in line with the values that he's determined are worth caring about which are:

1. Radical responsibility. You don't control everything that happens to you, but you're responsible for it.
2. Uncertainty - realizing you're ignorant and need to constantly reevaluate what you believe.
3. Willingness to fail and recognize your own flaws.
4. The ability to be rejected and to reject others when their values don't align with yours.
5. Contemplation of your own mortality for the purpose of keeping perspective.

All five of these values are united by one theme: recognition of our incredible propensity for self-deception.

We tell ourselves all kinds of stuff: It's not my responsibility. I have no problems! My problems are the worst ever. I'm special and unique. The world owes me something. I'm going to live forever. I can't help how I feel, I'm the victim here. I'm going to be the greatest ever. It goes on and on.

Recognizing the self-deception we so willingly engage in and reframing it in context of our chosen values is the main message of the book. It's a tough message and it's easy to miss the gravity of it because, as Manson's Law says “The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.”

You probably won't read this for the same reasons I almost didn't. First there's the hyperbolical title, the fact that Manson is just a blogger and because it's a self-help book that, like most self-help books, says it's different from all the others. Maybe you won't like the casual tone or the humor which sometimes feels a little forced. It'd be easy to pass up for those reasons, but you'd be missing out. It's a short, informal book, but it's is anything but shallow.