The Priory of the Orange Tree

The audiobook for this is 26 hours. Somehow, that didn't register till I started listening, and it wouldn't have registered if I hadn't found myself checking how many hours I had left every few chapters. This entire review is full of spoilers, and you will see me swear. If you are like I was, 20% through and struck with the realization that you frankly do not give a shit what happens next, or perhaps you have just finished it, then continue below.

Otherwise I leave you with this: too many words for all the rubbish scenes, zero words for epic fight scenes (I mean literally, the book cut away to another POV).

HOW CAN I, AFTER 250 PAGES, NOT HAVE BEEN GIVEN ENOUGH OF ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS? A CHARACTER IN THE BLURB? Why should I give a fuck about Niclays Roos or fucking Loth Beck?

I will address a few things.1. The romance between Ead and Sabran.When I first read the blurb, I thought the romance would be between Ead and Tané. I wondered how they would meet, until that scene in the garden (or wherever they were walking), where Ead says she has no idea why she is suddenly acting irrationally around Sabran. I had had no idea too, until that moment. I had no idea, even at the end and after many confessions of love. As I write this now, I still see zero chemistry.Sabran was cruel, and Ead thought she was selfish. Then they are kissing and that's it, that's all the development we get. If you read this for the love story, woe is you.2. Tané's arc.a. Torusa. Wow. After the fight he is never heard from again. I do in fact believe that at the end of 850 pages, Shannon forgot he'd existed at all.b. Her relationship with her dragon: a couple smiles exchanged before Tané becomes a dragon rider, the first talking scene, the confession scene, the scene after they are reunited, some time traveling to the South, the final fight, the end. Those are all the scenes with Tané and her dragon. This book has a dragon on the cover. And after 850 pages, those are all the scenes with Tané and her dragon.3. Niclays RoosIdgaf about his relationship with Jannart (I may get spellings wrong as I listened to the book). There was one flashback scene, and I fucking wanted to sleep through it. He's a sad sack of shit. Don't get me wrong, I feel for him because Sabran is a cruel piece of shit, but he had choices to make in life, and he made several questionable ones. But aside from his personality, he just didn't really do anything.Things happen to him. He is a vessel for narration, like Loth. This is never more clear than on the island, where he has a chance to escape but chooses to stay because he is entranced by the story.Of course, what Shannon means here is that readers are entranced by the story, and Niclays cannot leave because then how else would readers hear the end? It is lazy, and fucking boring.4. Loth.So fucking sheltered in his braindead religion. Like Niclays, things happen to him. Towards the end, he improves, but if I had to listen to him talking about the Saint again, I would...well I wouldn't be very happy.5. The death of KitThat was startling. I have to assume it was added for shock value. I was shocked alright, shocked with the realization that I wasn't going to enjoy reading this book. Say what you will about harsh realities or whatever, none of the main characters died. And for Tané Suza and Ashari died. Should've killed the dragon too. Killed her off too.6. Kalyba.What was her purpose? You know when Sabran had a fever, right after the scene where Tané eats the Orange fruit and bursts into flames or something, I thought Sabran had eaten the fruit. I thought in the final fight we'd see her duel Kalyba. But no, Kalyba talked a lot and then got stabbed by Ead. I just, wow.7. The fight between Ead and the Prioress.The book cuts away to Loth just before the fight. The next thing we see is Ead injured. This is certainly a choice, and a choice that means it is difficult for me to give this book up to 3 stars. It is emblematic of the problems with this book. The way time is spent in the head of useless things, and not enough on the things that ballads are made of.8. The training with the jewels.There is nothing here, just as there was no description for this. 850 pages. 26 hours.9. The jewels, the swordMy head, my shoulders, my knees and toes, bring me more macguffins. I love how often these are lost and easily obtained. There is no conflict in this book, not really. There is only loss of loved ones. They all suffer that, except Ead for the most part, but there are no consequences for anything else. Lose the dragon, locate the dragon. Lose the jewel, locate the jewel. Get poisoned, aha cure easily no problem at all. Be about to die, get saved.10. I'm confused. Why does Fyredel not simply attempt to burn Sabran a second time? Heck, he doesn't even go after Ead for real. Doesn't even try to burn the town down. I guess they don't want to destroy the world, but when your main villain is just pure evil with zero nuance, I cannot understand why everything done in his name would not be pure evil. Where is the line?11. The Nameless One. The next villain in a book should be Unnamed. He without name. Birth-certificateless-less. Who-the-fuck.12. The whole ending was underwhelming. Suddenly the armies unite. Fight, win, as expected. Like surprise me, for once, surprise me.13. The most tragic deaths in this book are Triam and Truyde. After their executions, the main characters then simply do what they tried to do, very easily. They were both so fucking brave. The scene in the jail where Truyde tells Ead the Knight of Courage is her Saint, bruh, that was better than any other speeches.14. Crest should've been drawn and quartered. Sabran should've made sure of it. She literally has no backbone.15. The Priory is made up of a bunch of fools. Were the damsels even at the final fight?16. The final fight where Tané wished she had a Seiikenese weapon. The whole time I'm wondering why she doesn't have one. Like, isn't part of preparing for battle making sure you have a weapon that you can and want to use?17. The narrator. Bruh that “So be it” from the Nameless One was just like, peak narration. The accents don't mesh with what they apparently should. I think if I had read this I would've been more forgiving, because I'd be able to read much faster. But I listened to the whole thing because I really fucking wanted to get to the end. I did. It was disappointing, but frankly, I saw that coming from 10% in.