The Midnight Library

When I was a teenage girl I was obsessed with The Bell Jar (as most teenage girls are). Quoted in The Midnight Library was the passage on the metaphorical fig tree, sprouting endless possibilities which ripen as I sit starving, unable to choose. It pushed me further into the comparison I had been making between this modern offering on mental health and the Sad Girl books of my youth - not just Plath but the Virgin Suicides and Girl, Interrupted and a slew of other highly aesthetic novels. This by contrast is a parable in plain prose. No room for interpretation, let alone romanticisation.

I think this is what Gen Z are asking for in their portrayal of mental health. Clear, unproblematic and medically correct, but I felt like I was being forced to eat my vegetables. Nora was neatly diagnosed with situational depression and then presented with other situations. I didn't feel like I was uncovering character or plot with excitement, just plodding through a thoughtfully worded formula towards a predictable end. The mystical elements were likely intentionally plain but it didn't make it a fun read. Most of all I struggled with the sparse descriptions of feelings. Nora's actions are described, but her feelings are mostly described in terms of if she is more or less depressed, or even just feeling less or more. The thing I really loved about the Bell Jar and those other books, the thing that made me cry in relief and shared pain, was the deep descriptions of feeling. The beautiful, relatable metaphors. I thought of that fig tree almost daily for almost ten years. Whenever I hear my heartbeat still I think of Plath's wrist, and the words ‘I am, I am, I am'. These were the things that made me feel seen. I don't think that I could get that from a book like this. I guess as it's so popular some people must be able to relate, and I suppose it's good there aren't so many Sad Girls reblogging Bell Jar quotes and Gifs of Cassie from Skins anymore but give me a messy, beautiful, personal book instead.

Also, I'm now 2/2 for books quoting that exact passage about the fig tree this week. Weird.