The Martian

I found this book profoundly underwhelming.

It starts out really well (in fact it's a good candidate for most compelling first few lines ever). The entire first third of the book is un-put-downable.

But like...

Can we talk about how the narrator is SUCH A BRO? He's uncomfortable having feelings. He makes fun of himself for crying. He describes his reaction to two broken ribs as “screaming like a little girl”. He's always on about nerds not getting laid in high school. He even makes a juvenile “That's what she said” joke.

Being stranded on Mars is such a huge opportunity for a lot of psychology and ~FEELINGS~ but you can't really do that if your narrator is too invested in toxic masculinity to examine them.

Here are some quotes to give you an idea of what kind of guy Mark is!

The worst part of the Pathfinder trip was being trapped in the rover. I had to live in a cramped environment that was full of junk and reeked of body odor. Same as my college days. Rim shot! Seriously though, it sucked.

I need some encouragement. I need to ask myself, “What would an Apollo astronaut do?” He'd drink three whiskey sours, drive his Corvette to the launchpad, then fly to the moon in a command module smaller than my Rover. Man those guys were cool.

On the first night, I ran into a little problem with the temperature. It was fucking cold. The rover and trailer regulate their own temperatures just fine, but things weren't hot enough in the bedroom. Story of my life.

If I could have anything, it would be a radio to ask NASA the safe path down the Ramp. Well, if I could have anything, it would be for the green-skinned yet beautiful Queen of Mars to rescue me so she can learn more about this Earth thing called “lovemaking.” It's been a long time since I've seen a woman. Just sayin'. Anyway, to ensure I don't crash again, I'll— Seriously...no women in like, years. I don't ask for much. Believe me, even back on Earth a botanist/mechanical engineer doesn't exactly have ladies lined up at the door. But still, c'mon.

I thought a laptop would be fine outside. It's just electronics, right? It'll keep warm enough to operate in the short term, and it doesn't need air for anything. It died instantly. The screen went black before I was out of the airlock. Turns out the “L” in “LCD” stands for “Liquid.” I guess it either froze or boiled off. Maybe I'll post a consumer review. “Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10.”