The Hidden Law

I stopped at a poem called “The Hidden Law” and read it over and over again. It was a short work, about the inner traumas we refused to acknowledge. By refusing to face them, we empower them until, invisibly they run our lives, making us miserable. We run from that misery, trying to “escape It in a car” or “forget It in a bar” but our attempts at escape themselves are merely “the ways we're punished by/ The Hidden Law.”

[4.4~4.5] the Henry we meet after a hearty time skip is at a crossroads. breaking it down into his relationships: with his partner of the last couple of years where the mentality of us vs. them has driven a wedge between the two, with his abusive father and the lingering ravagings of rejection many years after said man's death, with himself and the state of his own mental landscape.

in isolation, it's easy to say the proceedings lacked the same driving force as our encounters thus far in its topical predictability, but in many ways, that would be fixating on the wrong message. the case's value clearly lies in highlighting the parallels in Henry's own life - the themes and intersectionality of machismo, being a minority in America, and even more so with his sexuality. the cultural trappings we choke ourselves with so we always fail to meet fabricated expectations. so we forever wade in the bath of inferiority and lash out accordingly.

there's nothing i love more in a book of this genre than the way Michael Nava weaves what could be exclusively a mystery into one inextricably linked to Henry's character arc. the raw flayings and Henry's willingness to lower his shield, if only for a moment, make for such emotionally gratifying tales. i like to think the author's legal background lends itself to the straightforward practicality, but equally quiet somberness, of Henry's thoughts and narration.

as for the quote at the top, W. H. Auden & Michael Nava teaming up to call out the unhealthy relationship i have with the roots of my persistent anxiety was not how i expected my reading of this book to go, but they're so valid for that - all par for the course as human beings trying to live our best lives. but perhaps it's time to take a page out of Henry's book and put our feet down on whether we continue to allow the rusted chains of our youth command our lives as adults or not.