The Dance of Anger

I was recommended this book by someone as a must read and I really wanted not to DNF it, but then I remembered I actually value my time.

There are some interesting insights in the first couple of chapters that made me stop and think for a while, though nothing I haven't read before in other forms. The cases the author brings to the table are what made me slowly get angry at this book (and no, the irony isn't lost on me).

The whole premise seems to be that anger is a desperate cry for change from within the self. Which, sure, sounds reasonable enough. But it quickly turns into a condescending explanation that ALL anger is nothing but the product of unfair projections onto others. That anger is always a form of immaturity and avoidance, no exceptions. It proceeds to "demonstrate", through tales from the author's patients, that if a person firmly (but warmly, god forbid a woman isn't warm - and I say woman because all the examples are about women) expresses their thoughts and intentions, and holds their ground with zen-like calm when their interlocutor uses manipulation tactics or tries to start a fight, then their partner/family member will have a magical revelation and will magically change their behavior and everything will be fine. What the heck, honestly. I really have no interest in reading a book that states that the entirety of emotional labor is on women/wives/daughters no matter if the system they're trying to break free from has harmed them or not.

My "favorite" insight from this book: Reconnect with your family first, before you do anything else, or you'll never be happy and will make everyone around you miserable forever. What a dated, over-simplistic and problematic take.