Taxes and TARDIS

Expectation:



Reality:



This is normally where I'd say it's me, not the book, but frankly? Nah. This time, it's the book.

I went into this expecting a dumb, cutesy, probably-insta-lovey book filled with delightfully nostalgic Doctor Who references. I came out of it thinking that I'd completely wasted my time by not sending this to the DNF pile 10% or less into it.

The writing style is incredibly repetitive. Over and over, we're told how pale Logan is (sometimes using “British-pale” because I guess the author thinks all Brits are white), how ‘not each other's type' Brent and Logan are (despite how often they're shagging), even some details of their histories (like mentioning that Logan's an immigrant with similar wording twice, a few pages apart). On top of this, they're basically doing the naughty every five pages, leaving scenes which could have been interesting to trail off into poorly-written smut.

And I do mean that it's poorly written. The smutty bits - of which there are many - read with all the eroticism of a grocery list being checked off one item at a time. We're talking “fused my mouth to his” and “inch by exquisite inch” and referring to putting on a condom as “sheathed [him]self” level unappealing smut, here. After the second sex scene, I started skimming every time these guys got busy... and still managed to run into several more awkward wordings which stuck out like neon signs of WTF-ery.

Aside from sex, I didn't even feel any chemistry between the characters. They meet, they instantly fall in lust, they screw a few times, then they decide they're actually in love. I'm not sure why, since it seems more like being friends with benefits or something equally as lust-centric until suddenly they're talking about being fond of each other and acting as attached as people who had years to fall in love. Between the myriad of sex scenes, we're told - not shown - that Brent and Logan have become close enough to trust and love each other. When they're sharing intimate details of their histories, even the characters themselves express not being sure why they feel so comfortable doing so, and if they don't know I'm not sure how the readers are intended to believe it's organic and not just a PWP with a few cutesy scenes in the middle.

Oddly, though, I enjoyed the epilogue. It's cheesy and cute and actually made me smile... But then I remembered the single bit of contrived drama from the story itself and just got grumpy all over. See, I wasn't invested at all in the relationship, but I objectively recognized Brent and Logan were being kind of cute between shag-fests. There were the makings of a sweet romance thrown in the middle, barely-developed, just begging to be given room to breathe. I was prepared to rate this one a little higher with caveats about the unsexy smut and a wistful sigh regarding the squandered potential for the lovey-dovey scenes, but then... it happened.

Some drama popped up toward the end and it was the dumbest, most toxic thing ever. One partner is told a cruel lie about the other. Does he think logically? Nope, he believes what the person he just met said - a person he's already been told has a crush on his boyfriend, so isn't likely to be a reliable source of information. Does he listen when his boyfriend says it's not true? Nope. What about when his boyfriend's best friend says it's not true? Nuh-uh! In fact, he has a juvenile tantrum complete with the tried-and-true trope of teen romance (despite being in his 20s): “I thought you were different!” He then proceeds to refuse to even let his boyfriend try to explain and treats him like trash until literally both his boyfriend and the friend thereof have begged and grovelled.

And that was it: whatever small shred of give-a-crap I'd accumulated from the brief moments of cuteness were dashed forevermore. I can't get behind a relationship with that level of toxicity in it. I can't root for someone who behaves that way to get a Happily Ever After. So, despite the warm-fuzzy feelings the epilogue gave me, they were instantly dashed upon remembering the path which led to it. (Had this been a novel-length work with time to breathe and earn forgiveness etc. after the tantrum, perhaps I'd feel differently. But basically the nonsense drama happens at 77%, stretches through 83% or so, and then is just handwaved as totally forgiven.)

Additionally, I had some gripes about the Doctor Who elements. I saw a comment on a review claiming the author isn't actually a Whovian (fan of the show), and I'm inclined to believe that based on the inaccurate details and generic references used. Beware that the next section is going to make me seem like one of those fans, but I have OCD and minor details are something I fixate on often. I wouldn't mention all of these in the review, if only the book didn't market itself on the coattails of Doctor Who the way it does. (Speaking of: is this even legal for the author to make a profit on and associate so strongly with not just the show but a trademarked element of it? Food for thought.)

* I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure Doctor Who isn't sold on individual discs with three episodes each in the States. (Not to mention: each series/season with the Tenth Doctor has a number of episodes impossible to divide by three without having stragglers left on one disc with either a single episode or two episodes.) And I'm very certain, if such a thing existed in the States anyway, it would be a speciality item and the season box sets would be cheaper. Brent buying three potentially random discs of the Tenth Doctor's reign makes no sense.

* Brent had to purchase truly random episodic discs to have Jack appear in one of the episodes he watched. He says each disc has three episodes and he bought three discs from Ten's season(s)... but Jack doesn't appear until the eleventh episode of Ten's second season. All his prior appearances are with Nine. Bonus points: the three episodes in which he appears with Ten are all plot heavy - and one of the cheesier and more ‘you have to be invested in the show to get it' plots, at that - so surely Logan would have warned they weren't a good starting point and broken out his own DVD collection (which undoubtedly he has if he's big enough a fan to wear a TARDIS blue shirt to work)...?

* Logan is portrayed as being disgusted that everyone is attracted to Jack (the Doctor Who character previously mentioned), as if he's jealous. But why? That's Jack's whole shtick. That's who the good ol' Captain is! Surely, a fan wouldn't act like that. Right?

* Why the hell did Brent buy Torchwood DVDs, knowing that Logan seems to have a problem with Jack?! That's basically The Jack Harkness Show, ffs! And why did Logan enjoy watching the show together, with no mention of disinterest and/or jealousy related to Jack?

* Where did Brent get the money to spend on all these DVDs with the income of an electrician? This was apparently originally written back in 2012, when I was building my fandom DVD collections, and lemme tell you: those things ain't cheap and I had to do a lot of waiting for birthdays and holidays just to have the spare cash needed. In the same vein: I desperately want to know where this mythical place on the internet is where Mister Electrician is able to purchase Doctor Who merch for his boyfriend without going flat broke - back in the 2010s, before the massive mainstream success. An Adipose-shaped stress toy was twenty-something bucks, and that's small enough to hold in your palm.

Torchwood

watching some episodes

Why?

his homophobic parents disowning him when he came out that he can't even say he loves his boyfriend

Does not compute!

tell his boyfriend "I love you"

If his trauma is about his parents being bigots... Well, even then, it's not like his boyfriend is going to turn against him for being gay, y'know.

twice

“lighten the mood”

why does he need

every

that

okay, fine

Doctor Who

Is there a decent story underneath?

fit properly

we get it, you guys have different social circles and general aesthetic preferences

Great title, cute book. Big Misunderstanding seemed to come out of nowhere (why would Logan believe a guy he's never met that Brent was only into him so he would get him a good deal on his taxes?) but luckily it is resolved quickly.

3.5