Stay Awhile

This short story really should have had a better edit. I almost suspect that an early draft was uploaded by mistake. There are a few outright errors, but mostly, the word choices and phrasing are just very stilted and awkward. I had to reread sentences often, because while they weren't technically incorrect, the phrasing was not natural. It's very hard to feel lost in a story when the language itself confuses me.

This author has definitely followed the advice that “said is dead” (which isn't true). This thesaurus abuse happens all through the story, but here's a very bad one:

“It is absolutely not,” disagreed Daly, shaking his head and frowning.

He blinked, tugged from his thoughts. “Hm?” he inquired, glancing over at Daly to find the person of his affection staring at him instead of the road; which was the moment he realized they'd stopped.

I can't believe that we don't even see them eat the apple pie, which is built up as important in the first scene. Not Chekhov's pie, I guess.