Siblings Without Rivalry

A good read. Lots of reinforcement for work we are already doing at home. Good to just get a refresh though.

A quick, helpful read about avoiding some (common?) mistakes when raising more than one kid.

The setup paints a grim picture indeed of sibling rivalry: the authors basically begin with the assumption that siblings are in a death match for their parent's love. They use a (VERY HILARIOUS) polygamy metaphor that I've now told everyone about, it made me laugh so much. The rest of the book follows a simplified, Socratic “parent's group meeting” format - with each chapter covering some main sibling topics: NOT assigning roles within the family (“the clean one”, “the smart one”), NOT comparing/contrasting (even benignly, e.g. “oh, did you see how your brother did that so well”, “why can't you be more like your sister”), NOT giving into the false fairness of “everything equal” (i.e. attend to each kid's individual needs, rather than assuming everyone gets the same X or Y), and - overall - encouraging them to figure out their problems themselves (no parent/authority referees, only stepping in when things get dangerous). I found that all sensible enough, and even challenging to implement (I can definitely see how comparing and assigning roles would help give me, the parent, some feeling of control/understanding of the obvious differences that come up among individuals). Overall, as with any parenting, the main guidelines of treat them like individuals (not projects or avatars), with respect, and establish boundaries seem to apply as the numbers go up and your household becomes more chaotic.

Anyway, fun and easy to read, and gave me a lot of good food for thought.