Ruin and Rising

❝“Na razrusha'ya. E'ya razrushost.” I am not ruined. I am ruination.❞

I could sum up my actual emotions like this: 😭💓😭💓😭💓😭.
I came to love this series even if everybody knows I never end up liking too-hyped books (well, the Illuminae Files and the Harry Potter series are the other exceptions lol), so I already feel a little bit nostalgic at the moment. To be honest, I've started to feel like it while I was reading the ending, just sayin' 😂

Anyway, I'd like to say that I sorta liked the ending because I think that's... Just right? But at the same time I feel like it's wrong too, because this isn't how I've wanted imagined it while reading the whole trilogy.
Let's consider that last year I've accidentally read a ranting status update about Mal, like he betrayed somebody or something like that, so I've spent the whole time dreading the moment he could have gone bad lol and what's the result? I feel incomplete now that I know he didn't 😂But what's messing the most with my heart is my poor baby. I feel like Nikolai deserved a lot more and I honestly hoped and shipped him hard with Alina... I even shipped him with Baghra because I loved all the teasing 😂😂😂🖤 it just breaks my heart because he deserves so much love omg JUST COME HERE AND TAKE ME AT THE GRAND PALACE, I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY!Last but not least, the Darkling. In this very moment I honestly feel like a rock fell right on my chest. Partially quoting Alina, I feel like there's a shadow next to my heart when I think about him. I don't know, I've always felt something like a mix between pity, empathy and sympathy. I couldn't hate him even if I'd want to force myself to do it. Honestly? I would have hugged him tight 😢 I guess it's the charm of the bad boy + a kind of Florence Nightingale effect that hit me hard with Lord Voldemort, too. The feeling is just the same (even stronger at the moment), I just start to think about how they could have felt during their whole lives and.. Duh, I don't know. I'm feeling too emo right now 😂

The morale is: I'm so happy because it ended but at the same time I'm so sad for the same reason.
Dear Leigh, give me a new series about Nikolai because my whole body needs it (and my mental health too), thank you ❤️