Overtime

Big fan of the message, but I do think this either needed to be shortened or extended. It's more of a manifesto, and I suppose it does that. But I felt the need for more detail was more evident, even if I agreed with the points listed. However, I don't think it's strong enough in its current form to work if a manifesto is the goal. A shorter work could work better for progressing that message further.

But I do think it's got merit. I think it's stuck between a rock and a hard place, and needed to embrace either becoming a detailed case study, or a shortened plea.