Out of Focus
My Story of Sexuality, Shame, and Toxic Evangelicalism
When a mass shooter killed five people in an LGBTQ nightclub in Colorado Springs, grieving people graffitied James Dobson's Focus on the Family headquarters with the words "Their blood is on your hands." Such an accusation comes as no surprise to Amber Cantorna-Wylde, whose father is a Focus on the Family executive and cast Amber out of her family when she came out in 2012. From severed family ties to malicious murder, such enmity is the fruit of a religious movement that considers it more faithful to reject your child or even to kill than to accept and love LGBTQ+ people. Evangelical organizations like Dobson's, along with pastors like Jerry Falwell, Franklin Graham, and Robert Jeffress, built an empire out of their conservative Christian beliefs and convinced millions of Americans that sexual purity, patriarchal families, and militaristic nationalism were God's priority. Cantorna-Wylde shows readers how the political and personal intertwine to cause shame and suffering that Jesus would never desire, including the long-term effects of identity-repression, trauma, and family estrangement. A blend of heart-wrenching memoir and astute cultural analysis, Out of Focus will help heal individuals harmed by evangelicalism's toxic influence and inspire Christian communities to pursue a path of love and inclusion.
Tags
Reviews
Popular Reviews
Reviews with the most likes.
I'm glad Amber wrote this book. I wish she didn't have to. I wish she, like so many of us, did not have to live through such traumatizing theology and the actions taken out of that. Huge content warning for sexual assault, abuse, self-harm and suicide, and of course horrible homophobia, including “conversion therapy.” I might go as far as to say that if you are also queer and have trauma from similar experiences, you might not want to read this book. It was difficult for me to get through at times because of all that resonates with me and all it brings up for me.
The people I want to read this book are the parents, mentors, teachers, and friends of queer people - the ones who are still holding onto theology that is literally killing LGBTQ+ people every day. I need them to read it with an open heart. I need them to understand that their theology, based on bad interpretation of the Bible, is deeply harmful, at best. (Not to mention the mistranslation/insertion of the word “homosexual” that was not even in the Bible! And they didn't even have our same understanding of being gay or queer back then as we do today!) But the good news is, they don't have to hold onto that horrible theology! It is NOT from God! They can let it go!
Oh, another content warning, as another reviewer brought up: Amber's father was a bigshot at Focus on the Family, and founder James Dobson, prior to starting Focus on the Family, was an assistant of Paul Popenoe, the eugenicist who founded the American Institute of Family Relations, advocated for compulsory sterilization and “social hygiene,” trained pastors and psychologists to follow his patriarchal, white supremacist, homophobic vision, and was directly involved in the eugenics program that influenced the Third Reich!!! So horrible! Rotten fruit from rotten theology.
So if you can read this book without being further traumatized, she does offer a raw, courageous account of navigating sexuality, shame, and the deeply harmful impact of Evangelical theology. Through her vulnerability, Amber sheds light on the struggle for acceptance and healing within conservative Christian communities. It's a powerful memoir that encourages empathy, understanding, and self-acceptance.
