Notes from Underground, White Nights, The Dream of a Ridiculous Man, and Selections from The House of the Dead

This is the diary of an underground man who attempts to reach out to humanity, from whom he has been detached (intentionally or not, it is hard to determine).

One can easily pass him off as a man gone sour, already out of touch with social conventions, shamelessly declaring his intellectual advantage over the rest of the flock. He describes men of action as stupid, for failing to see the pointlessness of it all. He need not mention his jealousy for their lack of fear. And this is why he must be given a chance.

The book begins with mostly ramblings that go on at great lengths with the occasional digressions (you can imagine how difficult it was for me, not to mention my discovery of the dark side of Mozart and Tchaikovsky out of necessity) but never have I encountered anyone so articulate in exposing the landscape of human nature, including the embarrassing grey areas that you sometimes catch yourself in. It is not all that dark and spiteful, though. He alternates between condescension and self-loathing, pride and humility, misery and comic relief. Towards the end, we catch a glimpse of him making valid points about love, marriage and family.

It is a love-hate relationship that we have with the underground man. He is the spokesperson for all our bitterness, disbelief, helplessness and surrender. This is the curse of a man all too aware, a man who refers to the world outside of his apartment as “real life”.

There was a time in my life when I was always so angry (it could've been at everything or nothing in particular, I just couldn't pinpoint, or maybe admit which); I wish I had read this thing back then. A powerful book, as it is a condensed transcript of all thoughts that should never be known.

Definitely something I will be revisiting.