Look Both Ways

2.5 STARS.I am finding it difficult to rate this one, because objectively, there are good things about this book. Some things I did enjoy. The setting, for one. My inner theatre nerd had a blast. And Brooklyn's relationship with her family (and her issues that stemmed from it) was, for me, hands-down the best part of the book. Unfortunately, overall, I did not really enjoy reading it. The marketing (that cover? seriously!) led me to believe I was going into something else entirely. I spent a good portion of the first half of the book dreading where I thought it might be going instead, and most of the second half resentful of the fact that I was right.That isn't to say the book was *bad. It wasn't. But I wish I could have gone in with different expectations. It still would have been problematic for a few different reasons (which I will not go into here, so as to avoid spoilers), but it definitely would have been a better experience overall.

If you're looking for a romance, skip this one. If you want CW-esque relationship drama mixed with lots of showtunes and monologues and the occasional rogue egg, and a girl learning more about herself along the way, then jump on in.

Content: 3 stars
Enjoyability: 2 stars
Overall: 2.5 stars

Ok, so, I've read this book a bit as a challenge because a friend read it and was one of the few people who loved it. She was curious about what I would think about it because a) we both love LGBTQ+ books and b) we're both on the ace spectrum. She told me that even thought it wasn't written as such, she thought there was ace representation there.

So there. I've read it and unfortunately, I didn't like it. It was, in fact, a very frustrating book. Also, SPOILERS ahead. I don't want to hide them or hide all my review.

Again: SPOILERS! You've been warned.

I've read many other reviews, the good, the bad and the middle, and I think the first biggest mistake that has been done is the marketing. Although the author herself said that it wasn't “a cute, conventional F/F romance”, it was still projecting that romance. If the blurb and résumé have been different, had put more emphasis on Brooklyn's questionning journey, maybe people would have been less shocked and disappointed.

I do agree with my friend about the ace representation and I think some people loved this book because of this. But strangely enough, I'm kinda mad about it. Again with the marketing: it wasn't summarize that way. If Brooklyn had said “Oh! I love you, but I don't like doing more than kissing, I think I'm on the ace spectrum!”, it would have been better. But we, readers, just assume that she's maybe ace. The only sexualities discussed here are straight, gay and bi. Which kinda pissed me off.

As for the bi stereotypes that I've seen people discuss in the reviews, I'll take their word. I've known a bit about those stereotypes, but not enough to really have an opinion. It didn't feel biphobic for me, but as I was reading examples in the reviews... it does look bad. I'm also a bit pissed at the bad representation of polysexuality. That Zoe and Carlos want to be in an open relationship, okay. But Zoe should have put a bit more boundaries with her other relationships. Like, when she and Brooklyn begins to make out, Brooklyn is a bit insecure and asks about Carlos, but Zoe simply said not to worry about it. She shouldn't have brushed off her concern like that. She should have had a conversation with Brooklyn. Not everyone want to be part of a polysexual/poylamorous relationship and we see that Brooklyn isn't at ease with it since she's jealous of Carlos.

And, really, even Zoe and Carlos aren't that open: Zoe says that Carlos would be happy she's not hooking up with a boy and later, admits that she doesn't want Brooklyn to see other people. That's not how poly works...

Since we're talking about Zoe, I didn't like her. I know some people didn't like how Brooklyn treated her at the end, that she was a straight girl using a bi one to experiment. But I would like to point out that when Brooklyn said she wasn't sure, Zoe simply asked her if this or that felt good, Brooklyn said yes, so Zoe said to simply enjoy and not think about it. And when it was too much for Brooklyn, Zoe was pissed off. I think we have here a character who thinks too much (Brooklyn) and one not enough (Zoe). For Zoe, if Brooklyn liked it, there should be no problem. But of course, it doesn't work that way. Again, if the book had been more ace and biromantic oriented, the story could been very different.

But it wasn't and I didn't like Zoe. I didn't like how she pushed Brooklyn to go beyond first base with her, I didn't like her simplistic way of thinking. And I didn't like she never apologize for making Brooklyn uncomfortable, for pushing her. For not understanding her. I'm repeating myself, but the way Brooklyn questions herself and says it to Zoe (Have you never had a crush, but realize you only wanted to do platonic stuff with them?), it's a very ace thing to say. And unfortunately, Zoe brushed this off. I was really, really, pissed at her. For someone who is supposedly open-minded about sexuality, she appeared the opposite.

Now, a word about Brooklyn: I liked her. My two stars are for her, because the book itself felt more like a one star. I think I'm going to be in the minority here since I've seen many people who disliked her. Do she appears a bit whiney? Yes. Does she lacks communication skills, big time? Also yes. Many problems could have been resolved if she talked about them. But a thing that I didn't read on reviews (maybe on others that I haven't read): Brooklyn appears to be an introvert in a family of extroverts. Yes, she loves the musicals, the shows, etc, but she says herself that she doesn't like to be at the center of attention.

And that can be really crippling sometimes. Sure, it's easy to say “she should communicate more! Why didn't she said anything?”, but seriously, can you say you haven't been at that place? I know I was. It's easy to say, harder to do. And the sad thing is when she tries to speak up, like when she's with Zoe and making out, they often don't listen to her.

For me, Brooklyn is an insecure introvert who questions everything in her life: her sexuality, her place in her family and in Allendale. I just wanted to hug her. Sidenote on those who said that at the end, she ends up with a boy and stays straight: I didn't see it that way. When Russel says that she doesn't like girls, Brooklyn clarifies and says that she doesn't know, she just doesn't like Zoe that way. But she doesn't completely close the door on liking girls. And even if she says to Russell that one day, they could maybe go on a date, but not now, it's not a done deal. I understand the frustration of people to have a “bi” girl going out with a guy at the end. But I didn't see it that way. I saw a still questioning girl who is a little less insecure.

But I agree that the way she thought Russell was gay (and also her ex-boyfriend Jason) was a bit homophobic. Not that she is a raging homophobe, certainly not, but she has certains bias. And for this, and her insecurity, I blame her family.

Now, we're going on the bad stuff. I disliked Zoe, but I hated Brooklyn's family. Except her uncle. But at the end, even he gets a dislike from me. And her mother... ouf. First of all, how can you push your child to be something they're not? She was so blind to Brooklyn's qualities and flaws and... everything about her I guess. We learn that Brooklyn isn't that talented on the singing or acting part. And yet, her mother encouraged her to audition to Juilliard? Think her piano skills and writing skills isn't that important? And when at the end, when Brooklyn finally let it out, her mother is like “sweetie, we've always been proud of you, whatever you do. You know that right?” and when she says, frankly no she doesn't know that because actions often times speak louder than words. I really like how Brooklyn expresses herself here.

What I like less is that although her mother look sad about his, and acknowledges that they are a bunch of “loudmonths” (extroverts for me) and that Brooklyn should just tell her to “shut up, like everyone else does” if she feels offended, she never apologize. She only says that she didn't know she felt that way. There's no “I'm sorry we hurt you”.

In a strange way, it was a family that appears quite open-minded, but that was kinda close-minded. Whose mother says to her daughter that she hopes she'll hook up with a girl? That is a bit disappointed when that daughter breaks up with her girlfriend? Brooklyn was right when she says to her family that they seem to exclude people who aren't artists. Sure, at the end, they say that they love Brooklyn, they will always be proud of her and she'll be a part of that family, even if she decides one day to become a teacher or whatever.

It was a too quick resolution. Brooklyn is happy and moves on. That didn't satisfy me.

Finally, the theatre stuff. I've read reviews that said that was on point. If that's the case, yikes! It wasn't at the same level than the family, but I also hated Allendale. The way the teacher humilates Brooklyn was horrible. The mentality, the snobbery, that wasn't for me. (Going back a bit at the mother: she had to call and ask for her daughter to be chosen. If you have to do that, it's because she isn't that talented. Yet, she pushes her in that direction. No wonder Brooklyn is feeling lost and insecure)

So yeah, I'm pretty sure I've forgotten stuff, but I think it's long enough.