Liars

This review assumes you have read the book.

Today is Jan 8 and this is the third five star review of my year. I feel like I don't want to do it purely because I enjoy feeling like a selective rater; my praise must be earned.

But I know I have to gladly give it here. Because I will be haunted by this book for the rest of my life. It is the most frightening book I have ever read. I feel mortified to share a species with the man. To those who say the author was “trying to show both sides, why she stayed, but did a bad job” - you're an idiot. The entire point is he's dismissive from the get go. It's supposed to be imbalanced because she stays in the marriage like I imagine many other women do: with increased patience, because men will be men, because she cannot make money, because she has a kid, because he can be kind, because it could be worse, because it would be hard.

He is egotistical and lazy and uncaring. But he is not evil. To make him evil would be a cop out, it would other him. His flaws are banal in the way that they are for all men. He is (half literally) a stand-in for any other man – a John Doe.

And that is the fear. My fear is that I might commit a single one of these infractions towards my partner, or anyone. In fact, I found myself reading with absolute horror an exact scenario I have lived out. I thought “When I did this was I also being like him? Could I be like this person in other ways?” Of course it's not predetermined, but all the agency and control in the world will never prevent me from the paranoia of seeing this character as a reflection of me.