Legends & Lattes

Obscure reference time:

Harker: “My God, now she’s dead.”

Van Helsing: “No, she’s not.”

Harker: “She’s alive?”

Van Helsing: “She’s Nosferatu.”

Harker: “She’s Italian?”

-Dracula – Dead and Loving It (1995)

The title threw me off. Who in this fantasy world would name brown water an Italian word? Shark-suited elves? Dwarves that all look like Joe Pesci? Perhaps a talking donkey that needs a fix?

Nope. Its gnomish. Gnomes who have to stay up late and drink something so that they can build some doohickey or thingamabob.

And I thought: “You know what? Rumpelstiltskin DID stay up awfully late doing that straw to gold thing.”

My stupid OCD calmed down enough after I learned that that I was able to appreciate the characters.

Say one thing for Viv the orc: she did not have a lot of baggage. She’s a tired warrior that doesn’t want to die as a tired warrior. When it was time to move on, she did. No sentimental or drawn-out boo-hoos, no regrets, no regerts (no I didn’t stutter), just a willingness to finally move on with her old bones.

She is just an orc, however, and needs some help. A small cast of characters get introduced into her life, and slowly they start fitting all the pieces of a new life together. Brick by brick, room by room, item by item, Viv and her team build a business from nothing.

“I love it when a plan comes together.” -Viv, maybe, if she smoked a giant stogie

I loved the characters all the way, but about 90% of the way through the book a major event happens, and the ending felt rushed to me. Building a business is a struggle, but in the last 10% of the book the struggle becomes charity and things resolve quickly and easily. I would have loved a little personal revenge or divine retribution, but there was comeuppance, so it wasn’t all bad.

Overall, it was a lovely, mostly well-told slice of life story. This was my first foray into the cozy fantasy genre, and I very much enjoyed my time in this world.