I Hope You Get This Message

DNF @ 35%

Prior to 2020, the only books I intentionally did not complete were those that left me so baffled or bored that each page caused me pain. These were the books that could put me to sleep mid-sentence, or that I couldn't find a single thread of plot or character to hold onto. Religiously, I finished books that were only slightly better, holding onto a hope that was rarely—no, more like never—realized.

I can do better with my time.

I've finally committed to allowing myself a little more freedom to let go. (Don't worry, I have no intention of becoming a chronic DNFer.) Unfortunately, I Hope You Get This Message is the first victim of this harsher criteria. One month ago, I would've pushed ahead, and I'm sure I would've probably given this book a reluctant three stars in the end. Instead, I'm deciding to throw in the towel.

Here's why I picked up this book: 1) The cover is very intriguing and eye-catching; Kudos to its designer; 2) The premise of this book sounded wonderful: a distant planet has decided to pull the plug on its colony—earth—and three teens whose paths cross must face truths and right their wrongs.

There's so much potential there.

And instead, what I found, was a juvenile story that had zero relevance up to the point I gave in. The world is ending and what do these teens want to do? They want to go to parties, and confess to those they've crushed on all of six weeks, and get drunk. I thought this was supposed to be the generation that was to give humanity hope—that's what I'm told every time I log onto Twitter. I didn't see the soul searching I hoped for. These teens are greedy, and they're frankly kind of boring. As the story rotates between these protagonists, I had trouble recalling what they'd been doing in the last chapter I saw them in. They made no impact on me whatsoever.

Also, the alien dialogue reminded me of something out of an Ed Wood movie.

This isn't a terrible novel, by any means. On the positive, the premise is strong and the characters have interesting traits and backstories. At the same time, I think the writing is sophomoric, the characters are flat, and the premise isn't fully realized. Maybe the story gets better, but given my record, I doubt it. And certainly, no matter what happened, this just wasn't one that was ever going to be great. Fortunately, I'm not the intended audience: I'm a forty year old dude who gravitates toward big-L literature, so take my opinion as someone who never owned a fidget spinner and who thinks any 90s hip-hop artist is superior to any radio-hit rapper of today.

Do teenagers actually use the phrase “Working hard, or hardly working?” That's something I expect from men twice my age who think they're hilarious, but definitely are not.