Giovanni's Room

fragments of my thoughts while reading

I felt so apprehensive and anxious after read the last page of part 1. I didn't want to flip the page, I didn't want to continue, I didn't want to know what was going to happen next. I feel like that physical reaction of pure anxiety is a testament to how astounding this book is.

there's something so tender and heartbreaking in the many ways that “where have you gone?” is phrased. whenever I read about love, especially when one lover is in turmoil, and their lover asks them “where have you gone?” or “where did you go?” or simply saying “come back to me”, I know they're not talking about physical proximity but matters of the mind and heart, and it breaks me. I don't know what this book has done to me but I feel like a shell of myself. I'm just sad. i'm sad about giovanni, i'm sad david couldn't be his true self, im said about hella being left in the dark, i'm sad for people that have to hide who they are. it's just upsetting and irritating and it makes me feel helpless. I just feel empty.

james baldwin was an amazing writer, I don't think I've felt whatever it is that i'm currently feeling about a book. it's different from oewbg, I felt more hope in that despite everything. this feels final with no room for redemption or peace.