First & Then

I feel mean, but I think Emma Mills bit off more than she could chew. Too many characters and not enough character development, including and probably especially the protagonist.

Who is Devon? I don't know if I know. Of course it's fine to have a main character insecure in their abilities and unsure of their aspirations. That's a lot of main characters. Stories about feeling inept and being rejected are relatable. Lacking a sense of direction and belonging is relatable. I think my point is, characters can have existential crises, but they still need to have personalities.

Why did everyone keep talking to Devon? She didn't really have any friends except Cas, and even that dynamic was more her pining. Everyone was always going up to Devon and striking up conversations, and I didn't really understand why. I couldn't get a sense of who she was in relation to the people who kept approaching her, and their approaching her didn't help because most of those interactions felt like subplots that ultimately amounted to nothing.

More generally, I don't have a firm sense of most of the characters. It seemed like we were supposed to like Cas, and then there was a moment of confrontation and as a result maybe we were supposed to not like him anymore? But he also just basically vanished from that point onward. Jordan and Lindsey were there, best as I can tell, to just be likable.

Some of the side characters were interesting, but you only caught glances. Foster falls into that category, certainly, but also people like Emir and Marabelle. Rachel was kind of cool. A lot more could have been done with Devon's assumptions about the freshman girls who were in her gym class and/or came to tutoring. But almost all of these characters impacted the story sporadically at best.

In terms of the love interest, First and Then reminded me a lot of Eliza and Her Monsters. You have your highly reserved (some may say emotionally unavailable!) high school football athlete who recently moved and is hiding secrets to do with family loss and drunk driving. Didn't do much for me then, didn't do much for me now.

I liked Foolish Hearts a lot. I think Emma Mills is talented. But this one underwhelmed me. Even the ending was just...it was just over. The cover is adorable, though.

This was a wonderful read. Not the kind of book that blows your mind away from page one but one that subtly worms it's way into your mind and heart. The blurb presents this book as Pride and Prejudice meets Friday Night Lights but I won't comment on that because I've never watched FNL. It's also not an exact retelling of P&P but the vibes are definitely present and the understated writing is very similar to the way Austen talks about issues without making a big deal out of them.

Devon is a very relatable teenager. She believes she is average and boring, doesn't have the talent for anything nor the work ethic to make up for it and is pretty apathetic towards most things. She knows she has to go to college but is not sure what she wants to do and doesn't seem very interested in working on the essays for her applications. Only when she is compelled, she decides to become a TA and an assistant photographer for the sports section of the school newspaper.

Devon is also slightly resentful of having to deal with her cousin Foster who is now living with them. He is a sweet, adorable, nerdy kid but is emotionally closed off and never talks about his issues, especially abandonment by his mother. He can be awkward, probably has some form of anxiety, goes to therapy and can be found sitting in the bathtub or under the kitchen table when he feels overwhelmed. Throughout the book, we see their relationship develop from being slightly thorny to a tentative closeness to deeply caring about each other and it's absolutely beautiful. Foster becoming a part of the football team also helps them bond and he gets to form friendships with his teammates.

Ezra is the new football star of the town, All-American, fawned on my everybody but also resented for his popularity, broody nature and not getting on well with others. Dev initially dislikes him, but when he befriends Foster, sort of like a mentor, she starts understanding how loyal, caring and sweet he can be. He is as awkward as her in putting his thoughts into words, but they form an unlikely friendship. Their feelings are obvious to us but misunderstandings, tempers and silences abound and it's a very slow burn before anything happens. But it's a lot of fun to watch it happen. The romance takes it's time to develop and it's sweet and has a very Austen feel. And Ezra is definitely a great Darcy-esque love interest whom I couldn't help falling in love with.

There are also many other kids at the high school who are all not very fleshed out but still play a significant role in Devon's personal growth throughout the book. Cas has always been her best friend and unrequited crush and theirs is a very easy dynamic - they live in their own bubble because it's convenient. But slowly, because of a slightly pushy Mrs. Wentworth, the effortlessly charming and very good at heart Jordan, highly ambitious and driven Rachel, the sweetest ever Lindsay, mysterious Emir and lots of others, she bursts her own bubble and is on her way to finding herself. Her college visit also gives her a sense of purpose and some confidence about her future.

The writing in this book is truly wonderful in a very effortless way. The story just flows through and you never want to put the book down. There are many instances where Devon compares what's happening in her life to the situations in Sense & Sensibility or other Austen books and this warmed my heart. There is even a nod to the infamous Colin Firth's swimming scene from the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. This is a story of love and loss, friendship and family, the high school experience. It's also about a town and it's love for football and tradition. It's about the effects of drunk driving and addiction on the lives of those left behind. It's a beautiful story of a girl who becomes less judgemental, more assertive and finds love.

If you love YA or Jane Austen or Football or all of them, just read this book. I promise you will not be disappointed.