Far from the Tree

1 on my list of best books I've read in 2014. A life-transforming book that will inform my perceptions and values from now on.

I started this book somewhat begrudingly, as it was “recommended” reading for my fellowship. I finished it gratefully. Solomon's work is one of the most compelling pieces of non-fiction I have encountered. It's long, but that is because, as he explores parent-child relationships from a number of poignant lenses (from physical disability to musical prodigiousness), Solomon approaches the subject and all of his interviewees with great compassion, honesty, and an exquisite eye for philosophical, psychological, and ethical nuance. Highly, highly recommended.

This book is an epic consideration of parenthood in circumstances where the child profoundly challenges the parents' expectations: cases of deafness, Down Syndrome, dwarfism, schizophrenia, transgender, prodigies, children of rape, and children who become criminals are all examined. While it is a doorstop of a book (702 pages of narrative, 960 pages including notes, bibliography, and index), it is compulsively readable. Andrew Solomon's narrative is precise about difficult or nuanced emotions, but never dense.

One of the most fascinating discussions in this book is about the tension between whether to "cure" conditions like deafness, or celebrate the distinct identity that the condition confers. Solomon examines this dilemma and the nuances it takes on with each case that he considers. Is the condition a disability or an identity? Can a disability be separated from a person's identity? Would it be appropriate to grieve if, for instance, no more children were born with dwarfism, deafness, or autism?

Until the final chapter, Solomon's prose is measured and calm in its description and analysis of people's relationships to the challenges presented by their children. The final chapter, where he describes his own journey to fatherhood in light of all the work he had done for this book, is a shift to a much more emotional tone. It felt like a radical change after 600 pages of his previous tone, but was fitting to his subject matter and allowed him to sum up the wide ranging investigation of his book.

Read if you're looking for stories about people adjusting to parenting situations that are radically different from what they expected. It's mostly uplifting, boosts empathy.