Don't Cry for Me

In Don't Cry for Me, a black father writes letters to his estranged, queer son as he spends his final days succumbing to cancer. Jacob Swinton tells his story from childhood to the present day in an effort to help his son better understand and hopefully one day forgive his history of violence, toxic masculinity, inability to show affection to his son, and refusal to accept his sexuality.

This is the first book in a stand-alone series, the prequel to Isaac's Song (released Jan 2025). I read Isaac's Song first, which is in the POV of Jacob's son and focuses on his relationship with both of his parents, but mostly the trauma inflicted upon him by his father during his childhood. I knew that I needed to read Don't Cry for Me immediately upon finishing. You definitely don't need to read these in order, but now that I have read both I do recommend reading Don't Cry for Me first to have a comprehensive understanding of the relationship that Isaac discusses with his therapist.

Don't Cry for Me had me in tears multiple times. The writing is beautiful and gut-wrenching at times as we journey with Jacob through his own traumas and regrets as a husband and father. The book is well-paced, with conversational, yet gorgeous prose. I was left grieving the relationship that Jacob never had with his son, but also hopeful that both men found, or will find, closure in their own ways. I will be recommending both of these books for a very long time.

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This book definitely challenged my views on parents not being accepting of their children's queerness especially in the 60s and 70s. I think this quote from the book really helped me grasp that it goes beyond the simple belief of accepting and loving people as they are.

“You wouldn't think ideas have geographical context, but they do. We teach certain things because of where we live. We like to think we're governed by some higher spiritual or philosophical motivation, but really most of our thinking comes from our environment. “

These feelings of shame and embarrassment amongst families and cultures is much more complex, and doesn't always mean that they are ill-intentioned, terrible people. Knowledge really is power and Jacob's mindset growth is a prime example of that.

I was also challenged to face some of my own childhood traumas through Jacob's character. The idea that someone growing up without love in the home, and only knowing pain and then passing on that pain to their children is definitely poignant.

Content Warnings

Content or TW Warnings include: Violence, Abuse (Physical, Emotional, Sexual), Death of a Loved One, Trauma, Mental Health (Depression, Anxiety, etc.), Substance Abuse, Racism, Homophobia, Graphic Content

Who I'd Recommend This Book To

I really would recommend this book to all adults for a few reasons.

It is easy to read and understand and the pace moves steadily so would be “easy” for a non-reader to get through (easy due to style of writing, not content). In addition, queer stories, especially queer black stories, need to be told and heard, from all points of view in order to better understand each other. Jacob's story can also provide white people with valuable insights and a deeper understanding of systemic racism.

This story offers something meaningful for everyone, potentially helping them heal in whatever way it resonates—whether it's processing the loss of a loved one, mourning an unfulfilled relationship with a parent, experiencing genuine personal growth, or learning forgiveness through the imperfections of a character.

Highlighted Quotes

“First snow fell yesterday. It came easy and unannounced, like a whisper, but once it started, it continued into the night. When I looked out this morning, everything was still, white, and gleaming. I wondered if you were somewhere safe and warm. I wondered if you were thinking about me.

“Memories reveal who you used to be, what you once thought important, what regrets you cannot shake.”

““I'm sorry, Rachel.” “I know, I know,” she repeated over and over. “No, I'm not just sorry for myself. I'm sorry for us. For our family, for black people—” “Yeah,” she whispered. “Me, too.””
“Knowledge is a funny thing, Isaac. It informs by exposing. It shows you precisely how much you don't know.”

“You don't know—I hope you don't know—the feeling of losing everyone you ever loved. You're left with only your own hurt and regret. All you do is relive mistakes and wish you could undo them. You never can.”

“If you get nothing else from this letter, understand that I never knew how to love. I dreamed of it, but I never experienced it. What I knew was pain. So that's what I gave you.”

Final Rating & Closing Thoughts

I absolutely loved this book and gave it 5/5 stars on Goodreads. Please, please, please READ THIS BOOK!