Detransition, Baby

This book took me exceptionally long to read because it made me feel dumb. Everything was too smart and alluded to stuff I have never seen or didn't understand. And admittedly, I am not well versed in motherhood or the transgender ‘vocabulary' that you must have to be fully empathetic and engrained in this story. Because of that, I felt disconnected which is why it's 4 stars for me. There are definitely moments where I felt Katrina and Reese were battling as to who suffers more which will never sit right with me (can we just admit every grief is different? that, even grief you consider ‘worse' or ‘not as bad', is still grief in the end?). You can read any 1-2 star review and understand how some people might think about this. The writing is excellent, sometimes overwrought but still craftful.

Ultimately, what bothers me most is how others received the book. I am noticing that a lot of the low reviewers are white cis women, disguising their transphobia and intolerance, by addressing 1-2 quotes they disagree with. And HEY, I'm all for pointing out specific moments you dislike. But these quotes are usually very obviously sarcasm (and I can't help but wonder if these people actually READ the book because they might have gotten this sarcasm if they'd read the context surrounding it...or at least grasped the sarcastic tone). As for the non sarcastic moments, I think it's fair to say that trans men/women are allowed to feel spiteful and upset (sometimes selfishly) about their lives, even if that spite is directed towards cis people. This is not a book promoting expert philosophy, therefore the opinions of the characters do not have to measure up to that level. These are flawed characters written by a real trans person who has, no doubt, felt spite and jealousy just like the rest of us. Just because that spite reaches new territory (of motherhood), does not mean that spite is any less valid. There are infertile people that will forever try to convince pregnant people not to abort their babies because they were given a ‘gift'. Is this not the same thing? Is this rhetoric not rooted in the same logic...that one party has something the other one wants and will, by any means, make themselves a part of it (even if it pains the other)? Let's think critically about the HUMAN EXPERIENCE. We are allowed to write flawed, vulnerable, selfish and jealous characters because we all embody that. So before you get UP IN ARMS about a trans woman feeling slighted or upset about how cis women approach or feel about womanhood, you might want to consider how other peoples opinions and approaches might be different from yours...how those approaches might also (most certainly do) affect you because you've never gotten the chance to experience it yourself.

As for the criticism that this story is very white, I can say wholeheartedly as a black woman that I do not want white people writing for me. I do not want their interpretation of black womanhood through a symbolic black woman with a lot to say about blackness. I would actually take much more offense to this, in that it would almost certainly silence real black voices and books from black people about their own experiences...in the same way a cis person could never write this book. This is also why Katrina's character, specifically her identity as a person of color, did not work for me. It felt that the author was desperately trying to make counter arguments using Katrina, only to circle back to the ultimate point, that Reese's grief and pain is the most unbearable and thus, all the most accurate rhetoric surrounding motherhood is coming from her. While I am extremely empathetic for Reese (arguably more than any other character), I was desperate for some actual thoughtful discussion that didn't involve Katrina backing down... because after all, being an aging divorcee who's miscarried and is now having a baby with an employee, is very hard all on its own.

Let me know what you think. Or don't.

did not finish it- it seemed dull and I wasn't sure where it was going and then forgot about it. But it was however interesting to read about trans people and what they go through, as well as all of the technical procedures and keywords that I never knew existed. Also characters themselves were really interesting and not one dimensional

DNF at 50% - the writing is solid enough but it feels more like a collection of essays than a book, and the content doesn't really hold me. might revisit someday but I'm months overdue (heh) at the library & should really get it back to someone who'll enjoy it more

Loved it, just not so much the ending even though I expected and also supported an open ending. Societal analysis weaved into narrative with fast paced dark humor was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Enjoyed and would recommend, but definitely will not be everyone

Very strong violent descriptions, just within the first pages, of sex and disease. I just didn't like the feel.

And then, there was the use of transsexual. I know that the word is used by some people, in an affirming manner, but it kept bringing me out of the narrative.

very important but the third quarter felt a bit weak compared to the rest

“Gender isn't a game of hopscotch, it's a fucking house of mirrors”. This book wasn't quite what I thought it was going to be, but I enjoyed it. It covers many themes, including gender dysphoria, gender norms and societal pressure, the limitations of language in describing gender and identity, the complexity and evolution of human relationships, and more. The book does an excellent job of exploring and contrasting these themes between cis and trans individuals while telling its story and ultimately notes that regardless of how you identify and no matter what societal box you may be forced into, you can feel, or be made to feel, like an outsider (while also noting the obvious disadvantages that certain groups face).

This is the kind of book you need to digest. You want to understand all three of the main characters in both their flaws and strong points. The premise of this books is as complicated as it sounds, but the way the author wrote about each individual experience is exquisite and the raw representation I would like to see more of.

A fascinating read, beautiful and slightly messy. 3 people coming together to, perhaps, create a new family unit. Interlocking tales of queerness, womanhood, transgender experiences, detransition, sex, sexuality, gender, divorce, parenthood and, somewhere in there, love. Characters were flawed, nothing was perfect, sometimes it almost was but there was a seedy smirr around the edges. I loved how it ended but also didn't.

[...] her life as a woman arrived with pain; pain that had to be endured, withstood, pain that was the same as being alive, and so was without end.

This was really incredible. Torrey Peters is an incredible writer and I was constantly awed by how clever this was. ‘A whipsmart debut' indeed. Reese is a trans woman living in New York who is figuring out herself and how to get what she wants in life. Ames is her ex-girlfriend, now detransitioned but not quite a cis man, trying to live a ‘normal' life. Ames has gotten his current partner, his boss, pregnant and is frantically trying to decide what to do.

Before I knew this was authored by a trans women, the inclusion of detransition concerns me. I mean, we're surrounded with right-wing rhetoric about how allowing trans children to be themselves will lead to all these horrible things, and how soo many people detransition. But Peters is trans and I felt that she handled this topic gracefully, emphasizing how so many trans folks are forced to detransition because it is so difficult to live in such a transphobic world.

While I am not a trans woman, as a member of the queer community I did find a lot of comfort and familiarity in this book. I'm also polyamorous and seeing the development of this triad warmed my heart – even if they have far to go when it comes to communication. But this book deals with a lot of dark topics, things that I don't think could have been left out of a story like this. There is an interesting commentary about various forms of colonization and oppression; Ames' partner Katrina is a cis woman but is biracial. Reese is used to viewing all cis women as privileged, but has to confront the fact that not all cis women are cis white women.

I also appreciated that Peters didn't pause the story to introduce concepts of Gender 101; she used in-group language without explanation in a way that I found immersive and important. I appreciate when authors do this for any kind of culture – sprinkling in definitions often feels forced or pulls a reader out of the story. We all have access to Google and are able to look up anything we don't understand from prior knowledge or context alone.

There were so many fascinating explorations of misogyny and transmisogyny and I'm excited to come back to this someday to pick up on more than can be processed via a first read. I feel like each page could spawn dozens of essays. Peters brought a remarkable book into this world and I'm looking forward to picking up her next one.

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters, a NYTimes Notable Book of the Year is not my usual pick but wow am I glad I read it. It took me a while to figure out what was was going on but once I did I fell in love with these women. The writing is smart but also painful, witty then devastating. So culturally of the moment but absolutely genuine. I loved it.

This feels revelatory in how it approaches the topic of being trans. What could have easily been an overly earnest intro to trans-life primer with empowering story arc or, more likely, veered into overdone misery porn, instead feels like author Torrey Peters has long ago dismissed those tropes and is interested in something more. Indeed she has a history self-publishing novellas and offering up name-your-own-price pdfs. She's well past explaining her world to the rest of us and is instead looking to see what happens when, as she puts it, you put a trans woman into a bougie domestic social novel.

Simple premise. 35-year-old Reese, a trans woman living in Brooklyn, is one day contacted by her ex, formally Amy, now detransitioned to Ames, who has knocked up his boss Katrina, a Chinese-Jewish divorcee, and is offering up the novel idea of a three-way, co-parenting of the yet to be born child. Wild.

Along the way we're gifted a ton of insight. Sure some are in your face, theories too good not to share like the “Sex and the City Problem” wherein women are constrained to one of four paths embodied by the women on the show. “Find a partner, and be a Charlotte. Have a career, and be a Samantha. Have a baby, and be a Miranda. Or finally, express oneself in art or writing, and be a Carrie.” The idea that divorce is itself a transition story, or the extended metaphor of rampaging juvenile elephants likened to a generation of trans women in the early 2010 who, without the guidance of an older generation otherwise decimated by HIV, poverty, suicide and repression, inevitably lashed out, ostracizing and punishing those around them.

But Peters is far more subtle about the ideas around performing gender and these were just eye-opening. Reese and her questionable choice in men, the idea of being subjugated, even abused reinforcing society's somewhat backwards notion of femaledom. How Ames can detransition into a man but still retains a bit a “slither” when he walks and while identifying as male doesn't know if he can quite handle the title of “father”. Even Katrina trying on “queer” with all the confrontational assertion and zealotry of a recent convert.

There's a lot to unpack but it's wrapped up in a compelling narrative that I blazed through. It's not written for me but therein lies much of its strength.

Interesting read - thought provoking. The themes of gender/motherhood is central to this book. It would be a great book club book. There is so much to discuss! Glad I read it.

4.5⭐️ !!! this was beautiful & so sad, i loved it so much. the characters seemed so real and like my friends

Interesting thoughts, writing style was slightly annoying but not egregious. Not terrible but not amazing. Very much like the description of queer lifestyles.

This was the best book I read all year. I cannot stop thinking about it, and I am so envious of how talented this writer is.

I avoided this book for so long because I assumed with “detransition” in the premise it would be terf-y, really glad about how wrong I was! Reminded me a lot of The Argonauts but I liked it better because it felt more relatable and accessible but just as (if not more) brilliant. There was some really beautiful writing, a super nuanced look at so many normally 2d queer plot points, and a refreshing perspective. I kept realizing how infrequently I read books with transfeminine pov characters. Also just an enjoyable read overall.

In this case, my four-star rating doesn't actually mean I “really liked” this novel, more that three stars wouldn't have properly communicated how impactful I found it. It generated lots of discussion in my queer psychologist consultation group, in a good way! It is hard to find stories that honor the complexity of people's real lives when that complexity is highly politicized, and Peters deserves all the accolades for writing a novel that is a form of activism without trying to do that advocacy by presenting the world with “acceptable” trans* characters - perhaps her love letter to the trans* community as it actually can be is this novel's real activism. The issues this novel raises are pressing, compelling ones, and I am glad to have thought more deeply about them. My quibbles are the following: 1) Although it's a character, not plot-driven novel, the character development is uneven. I don't think I ever really understood how Ames managed his dysphoria in his relationship with Katrina, and we get so much information about Reese in the present, but much less about her “origin story” than the other characters. 2) The characters, regardless of gender identity, are all a little exhausting in their own ways. Of course a therapist is going to suggest therapy, but...I think they might benefit from therapy?? I'm more into escapism in my reading these days. One last upside, however, is I really like how Peters nailed the dismount by ending on a solidly ambiguous note. That's the kind of frustration I don't mind handling as a reader.

This book is going to stick with me. Peters has a talent for writing searingly accurate portrayals of human behavior and the whys behind her characters' actions. I've seen criticism that the book is short on plot, which may be true - but it doesn't matter. The character study is fantastic.

I loved this novel's forthrightness, especially about some less public aspects of trans women's lives. The story is about a love triangle of sorts: Ames, who was born as James, transitioned to become Amy, and then detransitioned to be become Ames, has an affair with his boss Katrina, a cis woman, and gets her pregnant because he thought he was sterile. As they are deciding what to do about the baby and their relationship, Ames proposes to bring in his ex, Reese, a trans woman who has always wanted a baby, to help raise their child. Not surprisingly, everyone's feelings and responses in this situation are complex. One of the best parts of this novel is the interplay between what each person thinks is truly beyond the pale and what they will accept as reasonable behavior, while trying to make a new kind of family.

The first part of the novel alternates between the present day and the past, presented as weeks or years pre or post conception. This way we learn about Reese and Ames/Amy's past, both individually and as a couple. The second part of the novel is in the present, where each person in the triangle is grappling with their expectations, fears, and desires.

There are a couple of places where the conversations that characters are having feel a little preachy, but the line between preachy and enlightening is thin. I definitely was enlightened by some of those conversations, so I don't want to give that too much weight. Mostly, I just enjoyed the robust voice of this book and the generosity of spirit that the characters are reaching for. This all sounds very serious, but there are moments of dry hilarity too. I will 100% read this author again.

A must-read! Pretty much everyone in my book club agreed that this novel is both a compelling, beautiful story in addition to an informative read that gives insight to the vibrant, nuanced, and yet also heartbreaking trans community/experience. This novel interrogates what it means to be a woman, mother, and trans (amongst myriad other identities). With all of these incredible themes, ideas, etc. it's no wonder words like “conflicting,” “tense,” and even “messy” were used to describe this book in our discussion. And I want to emphasize those words were used in the BEST way possible— because Peters masterfully walks the line of tense, “uncomfortable” topics in a way that is accessible, informative, and even funny, while highlighting the depth and variation in experiences felt by many trans people. Apologies for run on sentences lol - there are just so many things to say!

Each character was well thought out, imperfect, yet sympathetic all at the same time! Their motivations were clear and consistent throughout the story. Every character went through some sort of transformation, or, at least changed/learned something. The book club really enjoyed Rees' dark sense of humor and again, found Peters' ability to weave comedy into all-too-often “sad” theme to be masterful! (that is, transness and queerness in fiction often being portrayed as really sad as opposed to hopeful).

I think it is very important for all potential readers of Detransition, Baby to recognize that this book is NOT some panacea or one-stop-shop for all things trans. I found myself needing to check myself on this throughout the reading process– I found that my critiques (mainly, lack of more BIPOC characters) were often the result of me putting too much pressure on Peters to be this mastermind woke repository of knowledge instead of what she is — an incredibly talented author telling an #ownvoices story based on her own knowledge and experiences.

I loved this, I think because it was so very different from the other books I read. I always say that really great fiction introduces you to a world that is new to you and lets you walk around in someone else's shoes. Well, mission accomplished here. I found myself thinking a lot about this book when I was away from it and actually laughed out loud a couple of times.
It loses a star for the ending, which I found to be abrupt and heartless to do to readers who were cheering this little family on. Otherwise, it was a great read.