Crying in H Mart

4:

In my heart I'm almost certain this could have been a 5 star book, but I can't give it that in good conscience, because there's something deeply unsettling buried in Michelle's memoir, and it rattled me in the worst of ways.

Michelle bared herself in this book. It's raw and authentic, almost seems like too personal a story to be shared. Her grief and hurt run deeply, and they're so palpable, it's almost like they're an entity of their own; and it's made clear that her mother was intrinsically woven into every single facet of her being, so it comes as a shock to absolutely no one that Michelle was ripped to pieces and lost her sense of identity after her death. And that's exactly my issue.

Look, I know as much as every daughter in the history of ever, that the relationship a girl has with her mother is always its own shade of complicated, and everyone processes things differently and whatnot. But I was uncomfortable at so many points in the story. It is one thing to showcase the abuse you've endured, as there are countless valid reasons to do this, and I fully support it. It is another thing entirely to make it seem as if everything that was done to you was fine, forgiven, and forgotten in the end because: 1. Your abuser got cancer and died, 2. You were a “terrible child” and a “troublesome daughter to raise”, 3. That's how immigrant parents are and they got worse done to them from their parents and, 4. They only ever did those things because they are your mother!!! They LOVED you and had your best interests at heart!!!

Fuck outta here. There were some straight up disturbing snippets in the book. She literally said that now it was her turn to be her mother (???). She got MARRIED just because her mother was dying, and the whole ‘I'm only beautiful if my mom thinks I am and without her I am nothing' deal? Shivers.

That being said... well, I did like the book haha. I genuinely felt seen in many of the things Michelle said, as I mentioned, I think every mother/daughter relationship is always complex. I love my mom, but at times she can be my harshest critic, it's true. And yet there's the moments when it really does feel like your mom is the one who'll love you the most. Complicated shit.

I enjoyed her style, and the fact that it was so engaging; I was having a mild reading slump and it took me right out. Her incorporation of food and cooking and culture as healing mechanisms is enthralling, and it may sound weird but my favorite parts in the story were her descriptions of what and why she was cooking, it was delightful.