Autoboyography
Ratings81
Average rating4.1
Una lectura increíble que nunca aburría ni daba pena ajena, te hace empatizar con todos y logras entender un poco mejor el punto de vista de los creyentes, todo esto con un romance tan lindo y GAY
“Imagine truly believing that God loves all of His Children, except when they love each other the wrong way.”
This book has been on my tbr list for so long and I am so glad I took the time to pick it up and give it a try.
I appreciated the way that Christina Lauren portrayed the topics surrounding religion and sexuality. As someone who once was religious and now has a very negative relationship with religion due to how it affected my acceptance of my sexuality, this book hit me like a tonne of bricks.
I spend years trying to justify and fix who I was after being made to feel that something was wrong with me for feeling the way that I do. It was so comforting reading Sebastian's story of self discovery and acceptance.
It's not very often that books have bisexual representation so I loved that we got to see that with Tanner.
I would've loved to have seen the confrontation between Sebastian and his family at the end, rather than hear it from Sebastian's summary of what happened in the Epilogue. I feel like the whole story was building up to that moment and it was a conflict that needed to be addressed first-hand on page.
This is definitely a comfort book for me.
“He falls in love under a sky full of stars.”
Книга о парне, который пишет книгу о парне, который пишет...
Это обычный любовный роман в стенах школы, только главный герой бисексуал. Он влюбляется в красивого умного и далее по регалиям парня и понеслось. И книга не слишком стремиться в этом переубеждать, пока не случается момент признания уже в первой половине книги.
Моменты близости прописаны отлично. Наверное, каждый такой момент сумел меня захватить и дать немного прочувствовать чувства Таннера. Но не достаточно, чтобы остановить мои размышления.
Мне не совсем нравится, что герои по сути идеальные. Единственный изъян в них - ориентация. Так считает общество, и это в общем весь конфликт. Идеальные люди и общество против них.
В ключевых моментах я вижу руку автора, а не действия персонажа. Мне не хочется их анализировать, потому что я не прониклась ими на глубоком уровне. Но мне не нравится и причины их влюбленности. Таннер влюбился с первого взгляда из-за красоты, а потом из-за “ты замечательный, заботливый и верный”. Про Себа вообще с этой стороны не очень понятно. Кажется, будто он просто хотел попробовать, а только потом влюбился с неизменным “ах, его смех, его глаза...”. И даже не сказать, что ему 19 лет. Морально он старик, а вот поступками...
Понравилось, как говорится, что при любви не стоит забывать о дружбе и других связях, но в тоже время мне не нравится, что эти слова звучат в контексте ориентации. И то, как забылся в дружбе сам Таннер.
Настроение похоже на “Назови меня своим именем”, где ты тоже сидишь на грани чертового смущения, но при этом не перестаешь задаваться вопросом, неужели то, что я читаю - серьезно.
Сама идея этой “книги в книге в книге” меня раздражает, потому что я вижу это не со стороны “как мило!”, а как знак того, что раз в книге считают эту историю супер крутой, то и автор написал супер крутую, но это совсем не так.
Возможно, я жду от такой литературы большего, но мне немного обидно получить произведение чуть лучше обычного фанфика, но с упором в религию. И чем больше их прочитал, тем меньше понравится эта книга.
So angsty! I almost DNF'ed this twice before reaching 50% mark.
Love at first sight!!?!Zero smart decisions were made by all the characters.
The latter half was better but not by much. The POV shift near the end was good. Although, the story was a very different take on lgbt+ relationships and religious beliefs so 3.5 stars rounded off to 3 because my God, Tanner's dialogues were boring in the first half and Sebastian only gets a personality when we get to his POV near the end.
i really, really like the way this was written, im more than willing to read more books by this author. the reason why i didn't give this a higher rating is because i feel like they almost ruined a perfectly good f/m friendship with something that was basically irrelevant to the main plot, and i disliked that so much, because autumn and tanner's friendship is so beautiful but frail at the same time, i feel like neither of them deserved that. also, i don't know what u have to do to find well written platonic relationships between boys and girls, do i have to sell my soul to someone? i will! the whole love story was pretty close to insta love, usually i don't like that, but the plot was so interesting and the struggles between faith and identity so well represented, i didn't really care about the insta love. it's a pretty solid book, beautifully written, with interesting characters, heart breaking and heart warming at the same time. i really liked it!
... sigh
I thought I would like this so much more than I did. I wish I liked it more because hey, bi rep is cool. The discussion of what it's like to be gay and deeply religious is cool.
The instalove? Not so cool. The way Sebastian treats Tanner with the excuse that things are hard (even tho they are)? Not that cool. The way Tanner expects Seb to give up a huge part of his life and come out of the closet so easily? Not cool! What happens between Tanner and Autumn? Not! Cool!!
On top of that, I found the pacing pretty strange. This story felt simultaneously like it took place over 2 years and 2 weeks.
In summary - good story, poor execution.
My neck and back hurt from sitting in one position so long just to read this. I can't even put into words the happiness this book has made me feel. It's seriously amazing and I would recommend to Anyone!!!
Disclaimer: I am about to write a novel in response to this novel.
I can't believe this book exists. It is very needed but admittedly very niche. I can't overstate its significance to people like me, and of course a more broad significance to the LGBTQ community, LDS members, and the overlap of the two.
Some personal backstory: I was born into the Mormon church and began the process of leaving in late high school. All of my immediate family has now left, over the course of about a decade.
I had some skepticism about how Autoboyography would portray the LDS church/culture. I think for this book to really work, the depiction of Mormonism needed to be spot-on. And I was impressed. Key components were present:
1. The centrality of appearances and respectability; the fundamental role of “niceness” in presenting Mormonism to the world; prioritization of pleasantries and smiles over uncomfortable critical thought and authenticity (à la “Turn It Off” from the BoM musical).
Mormons fear loss of control over how Mormonism is perceived, by both the general public, but also by other Mormons, because doubts of Mormons they know can sway their ability to maintain their convictions free of dissonance.
This idea is especially present in the representation of Sebastian's parents. They would rather live in coddled denial than face a reality that provokes them to interrogate their faith. This is bad enough by itself, but their expectation that Sebastian conceal himself behind a facade to provide them this comfort pushes it over the edge.
2. Understanding Mormonism as a culture upheld and reinforced by church members perpetually watching and judging and policing one another.
3. No. 2 notwithstanding, Autoboyography also touches on how “normal” Mormons (e.g., popular, straight, politically conservative) have more leeway to be lax about principles and norms without their community responding with alarm or disapproval, whereas queer and otherwise marginalized Mormons struggle to find acceptance, no matter how earnest and devout they are.
4. Collective insistence upon the supposed simplicity of supposed choices that are not really choices at all if one considers the consequences attached to not making the “right” ones.
This can be summed up by a quote from a talk given by a Mormon prophet proposing the following dichotomy: “You can be wise and happy [subtext: by following church doctrine] or stupid and miserable [subtext: by not following church doctrine]. The choice is yours.”
For many LDS members, leaving the Mormon church, or even believing and/or living in a manner somehow incongruous with LDS doctrine while staying, is inextricable from the risk of losing all sources of guidance and support. Sebastian speaks to this: “‘I can't imagine what I'd do if I left. It's like standing in an open field and trying to point to the four walls. There's just no framework to my life without the church.'” The false premise of agency is just salt in the wound. You can stay and suppress and comply, or you can lose everything. The choice is yours.
Okay, the list is over. I want to add that what I also liked about the depiction of Mormonism here, though I am sure members would largely disagree with this assessment, is that while certainly critical, this was not a demonization of Mormonism. It showed that Mormonism and Mormons are dimensional, containing, as all else, potential for both good and bad, for both stagnation and development. It showed how even the most stringent faiths are not truly monolithic, because they are subscribed to by complex and contradictory human beings.
Other things I appreciated:
I love that Tanner had such a healthy and open relationship with his parents. A lot of texts with teen protagonists sideline parents as oblivious at best. Parents are absent and/or ignored, gullible while constantly lied to, interacting with their kids only via sporadic yelling matches. It was refreshing to see a teen willing to talk to his parents and parents of a teen willing to listen. Tanner and his parents respected and trusted one another, and honest communication was central to their relationship. This served more a purpose than just to contrast with Sebastian's family dynamic.
Autoboyography distinguishes between conceptual support for a static “LGBTQ individual” existing vaguely out in the the world—in other words, voiced acceptance and support of a “that” or “them”—with how one responds to and treats the actual queer people one actually encounters in their actual lives. The book and its characters are perceptive enough to know that being happy about the legalization of marriage equality does not guarantee a certain response when one's best friend comes out to them as bi.
The book also demonstrates how people hurt by a culture can still hurt others in belonging to said culture. Sebastian's internalized homophobia encases his relationship with Tanner in stigma and fear and shame. It hurts Tanner to see Sebastian hurt, but it also hurts that Sebastian harbors so much self-loathing toward that which Tanner has long accepted in himself. Sebastian maligns and minimizes his identity in a manner that invalidates Tanner's identity. The situation is unfair to both of them for different reasons. Ultimately, though, Tanner tries to let Sebastian have as much say over his coming out process as he can. He appreciates why Sebastian thinks and behaves as he does, and exercises patience in letting him make his own way to painful forks in the road.
I don't really know how to end this but suffice it to say I found the book really great and I think everyone should read it! It's as cute as it is sad. And frankly, where else are you going to read a romance about bisexuality and Mormonism?
4.5 stars. I laughed, I cried. This book is a beautiful story of finding love and also learning to love who you are as a person. Tanner is bisexual, half-Jewish, and trying to get through his final semester of school in the predominantly LDS town of Provo, Utah. While he fully accepts who he is and has loving and supportive parents, he realizes that his community might not be so open to him so he is still very much in the closet, even from his best friend. In comes Sebastian, who is not only Mormon, but is also the son of a bishop and is heavily involved in the church. The connection between them is so intense from the very beginning and seeing how they navigate their relationship was so sweet yet heartbreaking at times. I loved every minute of it.
I only docked a .5 star because there's a point where Tanner hooks up with someone who is not Sebastian and I feel like it cheapened the romance a bit and I feel like this story could have gone without that part and it wouldn't have changed anything.
This book was EXCELLENT. I read this last minute, because the author tweeted that it was free to read on an online platform through the end of the month. It is absolutely adorable.
Autoboyography is the the story of Sebastian and Tanner falling in love, told mostly from Tanner's point of view. He meets Sebastian in a class at school about writing a book, and the book we're reading is supposedly the result. Tanner is a half-Jewish, bisexual kid moved from California to Utah, because his mother got a job offer she couldn't refuse. He is surrounded by Mormons, whose religion doesn't allow homosexuality. And Sebastian is Mormon.
The book unpacks so much, from stereotypes of bisexuality (and I LOVED the recognition that there are bisexuals who won't be satisfied with one gender, and bisexuals who will, it's an individual thing just like sexuality) to religious upbringing and the constraints that brings when someone is different, to unrequited love from a best friend, to how you can inadvertently let your other relationships suffer when falling in love.
The adorably sweet romance was a wonderful escape from current events, even with the hostility aimed at LGBT people by some of the characters. It was wonderfully done; enough to affect the characters and the plot, but not enough to spoil the uplifting, otherwise sweet nature of the novel.
I was slightly disturbed by an incident between Tanner and his best friend, Autumn. While they both seemed to take it in stride and move past it, it was a pretty shitty move on Autumn's part, and could easily have gone very, VERY badly.
I really, really loved this book, and it's going on my Favorites of 2018 list. I might need to buy my own copy.
You can find all my reviews at Goddess in the Stacks.
This book has been on my TBR for a long time, was one of the few hardcovers I bought immediately after getting my first bookshelf but I never really found the right time to read it. But once I started, I just didn't want to stop. It has made me feel so many emotions in quick succession and I really don't know where to begin with the review.
Tanner is a half-Jewish bisexual high school senior who is trying to live in a closeted life in the small LDS town of Provo, Utah. He often thinks about his life in Palo Alto, how he was able to be himself without hiding such an important part of his life from his closest friends. Despite these issues, he is truly an honest, thoughtful person with a great sense of humor. I also loved that he is absolutely confident about his classes, doesn't like being called lazy and is always up for a challenge.
The best word to describe Sebastian is “nice”. He is just this epitome of a good, responsible, wholesome boy who is dedicated in his faith of God, his church and believes in a life of service for his community. His struggles with accepting his sexuality, just refusing to identify as gay because that would make it real, reconciling all of it with everything that he has been taught throughout his life, questioning how he would ever survive without the church and his family – all of this was so real and heartbreaking and I just wanted to protect him from all hurt.
The first time their eyes meet, it's an immediate connection. I agree that it is completely instalove but the writing makes their feelings seem so authentic, that I had no problem believing in them. The start of their friendship, their conversations and little flirtations are so endearing. Seb's letters to Tann and snippets of Tann's writing of their love story are so full of warmth and feeling that I was overwhelmed. Tann is so understanding of Seb's conflict and he tries very hard to know more about Seb's faith, is mostly angry for his boyfriend but never at him for being so devoted to his church and family that will never accept his true self. Their separation devastated me right alongside them and I kept hoping that they would make it.
Tanner's parents are possibly some of the best I've ever read in YA. They may smother and embarrass him, but they are also loving, concerned for his happiness and completely supportive. Even when they have a problem with Tanner dating Seb, due to mom's own bad ex-LDS experiences, they talk it out with him, give him all their logical reasoning but also respect Tann's choice to continue his relationship. The scene where Seb shows up distressed because his family refuses to talk to him just coz he mentioned the possibility of being gay, Tann's mom just instinctively hugs him tight and he break down – I was so conflicted because I was weeping for him but also happy that there was one adult who didn't make him feel wrong or worthless.
Auddy is Tanner's best friend and I liked that they were always there for each other, like a safe space. But I was also slightly disappointed because I was expecting a platonic friendship. I also couldn't figure out if Tann was blind to Auddy's feelings or just didn't want to acknowledge them. I know he was heartbroken after his break up but I just can't understand why they needed to have sex. It just stumped me and took me out of the story for a while. I'm glad that they manage to discuss it maturely and navigate their way to being best friends again.
I thoroughly enjoyed the writing in this book. The authors do a wonderful job in getting the tone of a smart, humorous high school boy right. The love, the feelings, conflicts and heartbreak are written in a very evocative manner. The Mormon religion is also depicted in a very respectful way through conversations between Sebastian and Tann and I think it was very skilled of the authors to make us feel for Seb and his struggles without making us hate his faith or his parents. I thought that the bisexual rep was very good and there are multiple times where both of them discuss about their identities and how it just is and not how they choose to be. The last couple of chapters were very agonizing but it was also indicative of how deep they felt for each other despite months of separation. I really would have loved an epilogue or a longer reunion scene but when Seb finally showed up in UCLA, I felt every bit of the joy that Tann did. I also just wanted that feeling to last a few more pages.
This book is a must read for anyone who loves YA romances and reading about sweet, amazing and thoughtful characters.
There are very few things I disliked about Autoboyography, but I won't talk about them. However, I will talk about how fun, delicate and ultimately cute this story is. So much so that I spent my day reading the last 90% of what isn't a short book. Tanner is a delightful protagonist, and Sebastian is the type of romantic interest that we can't help falling in love with—I don't even mind the instalove bit.
⛰️
An endearingly honest, sweet, humorous, and thoughtful love story! Here's to Tanner and Sebastian and first loves!
3.5/5 stars“I don't actually care if you break my heart, Sebastian. I went into this knowing it could happen and I gave it to you anyway. But I don't want you to break your own. You have so much space in your heart for your church, but does it have space for you?”
Let's just start this review with a disclosure, shall we?
A main theme of this book is the Mormon/LDS religion. Now I am a very proud, tapir-loving exmormon, meaning I was raised and baptized in the LDS church before realizing that the venn diagram of my beliefs and the LDS church's beliefs were two circles on opposite sides of the universe. Sprinkle in some historical inaccuracies and sketchy and unacceptable 1800s drama Mormons try to keep hidden, I decided to go through the uber-complicated process of removing my name from LDS records. Seriously. It's complicated. Technically, I had to use a lawyer. But to get to the point, I have very negative and vocal feelings about the Mormon church. If you ever wanna hear them, I will tell you. However, this book doesn't shit on the religion, so I feel like I shouldn't either. I wanna be as respectful as possible. So I'm going to try my hardest to keep this review as objective as possible and keep my personal bias out of it, but it's gonna be hard. I like putting a little of myself in reviews, so there's a 100% chance I'm gonna fail. So if you are a practicing Mormon, maybe steer clear of this review. My apologies. I really am going to try.
So I read this book.
I liked this book. Rated it four stars.
I put this book aside and moved on to other things.
My mind, however, decided to focus on this book more than it probably should have. And upon furthur review, I realized that I didn't like this book as much as I thought I did. It had it's ups and it's downs and it's dose of instalove and fuck ups. So I lowered my rating accordingly.
So this book follows Tanner, who is bisexual and nonreligious, who's parents relocate him to Mormontown, USA and encourage him to hide his sexuality until he graduates and goes out of state for collage.
If you don't know anything about the Mormon religion, they don't really like people who aren't straight and male. They don't consider being gay a sin, but what is a sin is if you “act on your same-sex attraction” and marry/date someone of the same gender. So Tanner being bisexual isn't really accepted in Utah. Him falling in love with another Mormon boy, (enter Sebastian, who'll we'll discuss later) is a huge no-no to the Mormons.
Let's get seemingly off topic for a little bit. It will come back full circle in the end. I promise.
The other day, in fact the same day I finished this book, I was driving home from the library when I noticed a billboard on the side of the road. It was one of the electronic ones that change the ad about every ten seconds or so. I normally don't pay attention to billboards-usually I'm too busy jamming to T-Swizzle or something as I drive which was exactly what I was doing but this one caught my attention.
A little background knowledge: about two weeks ago, the Mormon President/Prophet died. It's quite a tragic thing to the Utah population. His death was the front page story in the local newspaper. Despite the fact that most Mormons have never met him, they really liked this dude for some reason. I;m not gonna blatantly state my opinion of him, but if you read this book I think you too can have a revelation and guess. Or maybe go read this obituary the New York Times wrote.
Anyways, this billboard contained a picture of the late Mormon President. It stated the year he was born and ended with 2018. The words, Rest in Peace, was written in big white letters. And I was instantly befuddled that someone out there, perhaps the Mormon Church with their member's tithing money or perhaps a LDS stranger, put up money for that billboard to be there. I found this extremely weird. However, 60.7% of the population of Utah probably don't.
Because that's the percentage of Mormon's in Utah. 60.7% of 3ish million people. And the heart of Mormon culture? Provo, Utah. Where 88% of the population (~100,000 people) are Mormon.
I feel like I'm doing a school report, googling these percentages to make sure their accurate. Gross. Let's move on from less mathy things.
So you know what else is important about Provo, Utah? It's the setting of this book.
So in this book, Tanner's parents are written to be the cool parents. The kind of parents you can confide anything too. The kind of parents that will talk to you about blow jobs at the dinner table. However, they also move their LGBTQ son to the heart of Mormonville and tell him to hide his sexuality. Then they are upset at him for wanting to date a Mormon. Statistically, 88% of the people who goes to school with are Mormon. This ain't cool with me.
But, like I've mentioned, Tanner meets super LDS Sebastian in this novel-writing workshop class of his. Sebastian is a year older, a college student, and only in the class to be a TA and help other students write an entire novel of their own. Which, by the way, seems impossible. An entire novel? In one semester? Okay... And it's literally love at first sight. When Tanner first sees Sebastian, he's instantly obssessed.
Eventually, the stars aligned for Tanner and him an Sebastian start a relationship. But Sebastian is, obviously, Mormon and his religion prevents him from accepting himself for who he is and who he likes, and angst ensues. There's a lot of breaking up and getting back together. Also add in the fact that Sebastian's parents are sooo typical Mormon it's scary. I can't even tell you how many people I've met in my life that are exactly like them. So sweet and so shitty at the same time.
I think you can either guess the rest of the book or go read it to find out.
Now I'm gonna be honest here. I wrote all that up, and I have no idea what I wrote. What points I touched on and what points I didn't. It's currently 12:05am and I'm more attentive on the episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians so I don't really feel like rereading it. To make sure I mention what I like and what I didn't like about this book, I've composed a list.
What I Like:
•Accurate portrayal of Mormons, at least the mormons I have met in my life. which is in the hundreds.
•Your religion shouldn't control who you are and who you like
•Characters were great
•Romance, when not too instalovey, was super cute and interesting
•It took place in Utah and for once I understood exactly what the characters were doing and where they were at and the cities they talked about. That's kinda cool
•it pointed out the flaws of the mormon religion without insulting it. i wish i had that self control
•but i don't oops. but that's important. the author very well could have destroyed the religion, but they realize that it is important to some people and respected it
•It kept me very entertained during a slow day at work. made the eight hours fly by much quicker.
What I Didn't Like:
•That one scene in the middle of the book that was COMPLETE BULLSHIT
•and was sooo super dramatic
•Like one character didn't go to school or answer their phone bc of it
•but then other character shows up at her house afterwards and they were like “hahaha never mind I ain't mad”
•and that concludes that
•EXCEPT WHY DID SHE MISS SCHOOL THEN
•Tanner's parents were competely shitty moving Tanner to Provo
•There's literally a very nice towns twenty miles or less away from Provo that are a lot less Mormon
•BUT WHY EVEN MOVE YOUR SON TO UTAH TO BEGIN WITH YOU ASSHOLES
•yoU GUYS HAD NICE, REASONABLE JOBS IN CA
•ASSHOLES
•also that whole “write an entire novel in one semester” class like wtf how is that even possible
•I can barely write this review, how can you expect someone younger than me to write a novel????
•Tanner's BFF Autumn
•She was annoying and unimportant. she didn't add anything to the story.
•I'm all about platonic friendships, but her relationship with Tanner was werid
•Also INSTALOVE
•I hate instalove
Anyways, this review has gotten way out of hand. Perhaps I should have written it when I was more awake. Whatever, who cares. You get my point. If ya have any questions about the MoChurch, I'll answer them for ya if ya like. I might be a little bias though. shrug emoji
Have a good day, y'all.