An Exaltation of Larks

*i tried to be vague or use spoiler tags, but proceed with caution if you were planning to go into the book completely blind!

[3.4~3.5? pending...] please do not perceive me as i don my cone of shame. this rating is by no means low on my scale, but for all the raving reviews and recommendations, i think it counts as yet another emotional must-read that left my expectations unmet and mind conflicted.

this is not a romance, but a story of flawed humans and family, of love in its numerous forms, an exploration of sexuality and sexual attraction, insatiable libidos and lust, oftentimes with incestuous undertones (or rather, overtones).

if i were to rate solely on the spellbinding quality of her prose, Suanne Laqueur would get all the stars. she's one of those authors who make you wish you could see the world from their eyes, because oh how infinitely vibrant and beautiful it must look. how many details do i miss as i go about my days?

i considered it hook, line, and sinker with how the two 9/11's were depicted in stark horror. the chillingly painful beginnings of Alex's arc, the zero punches pulled in Jav's backstory, those were the moments that left me leaning back in my seat to silently digest their journeys, their trauma, their reactions. it was everything else, the other 400 pages, the no lack of padding between those compelling passages that focused on a story different from what i foresaw in those first few chapters, that came up short.

while there's a mountain of forever quotes to ponder and chew over, i couldn't help but find the tale overly ambitious in its scope. balancing five pov characters is no easy feat and can easily compromise the structural integrity of a story's bones. that's one of the areas where the disjointed feelings seeped through: Ari's and Deane's perspectives felt redundant in the grand scheme of events. they served their purpose well as plot devices for the twists and serendipitous turn of events, but i never thought rounding out the narrative required circling back to their heads. there's a few random details like the sporadic use of affected Slavic accents (that was basically Yoda-speak LOL) or why they let Casey get so close to Deane again after her accident, among others that i didn't quite get. i won't comment directly on a certain reveal, but Val, you are much stronger than me.

the biggest disconnect i faced was how relationships and emotions were nearly always framed in the context of sexual emotions, never far from the grind and slide of bodies. as if outside that, there's not much else to say. and that is in no way true when looking at the subtext and their interior landscapes, but i'd have loved for a balance to have been struck, wished those featured more heavily in the writing itself. even if i'm likely misconstruing the intentions of thoughts like Alex's “He barely recognized their relationship without its sexual current,” gosh does it feel like downplaying the decades they've been there for each other, through thick and thin, to their chemistry in bed. the continuous tying back to some form of carnality in each and every relationship, even when i understood deep-down that there was more than meets the eye, felt limiting and cheapened what was laid before us. for such a hefty read already, i think this is a case where less would've been more.

i'm in the vast minority (again), but perhaps this is the sword i am meant to fall on (multiple times). at least i found the ending to be the perfect jump-off point for Jav's "to be continued" - i'm beginning to view this book as more of a prequel to the story i've been waiting for: happiness for Jav.