A World of Babies

A charming and fun anthropological survey of child-rearing practices around the world. Here's a sampling of some of the advice from these seven societies:

- Watch out for witches. Srs everyone is so worried about witches.
- Bury the placenta. This was a popular recommendation.
- If your baby is born with teeth, kill it (!).
- If your baby's first tooth is an upper tooth, sorry, kill it as well.
- Teach your baby all the proper greetings for family members; for example, teasing grandfather with lewd comments like “old saggy balls!”
- Don't let your baby touch the ground, we are not animals!!
- Make sure the ground is the first thing your baby touches, we are very connected to the land!
- Don't bother talking to your baby, they don't understand anything anyway.
- Remember to talk to your baby all the time, they understand ALL languages.
- Make sure to start teaching your baby Bible things asap... since your baby is born in original sin.
- Your baby just came from the afterlife.
- Your baby is actually a reincarnated god.
- Your baby is a reincarnated elder.
- Your baby might be eager to “reincarnate” an elder - aka, kill a grandparent.
- Definitely feed your baby tons of breastmilk.
- But not the early breastmilk.
- And only for three months.
- Or five years.
- But definitely around two years of breastmilk. Unless it's a girl. Then three years.
- Other good foods for newborns: tea, taro, millet, medicinal leaves.
- Srs watch for witches, they are the worst.
- Remember that witches are super jealous of your gorgeous baby. So cover your baby in cow dung and remark loudly, “Have you ever seen such an ugly baby?!”

In short, I loved this book. I'm going to post it on all parenting forums whenever someone says “in the old days” or “the natural way” to do something is XYZ. I will run in and scream “BUT HAVE YOU ADEQUATELY PROTECTED YOUR BABY FROM WITCHES?”