Emi

Urghh I wish Goodreads had half star ratings, but this isn't quite a two star read, but it's definitely not a three.

Who needs love when you can have fantasy heist novels?

It's been like two or three months since I've read this, but I think about this series constantly so I'm changing the rating from 4 stars to 5.

If this book was entirely Zoya and Nikolai, it would be an easy 5 stars. But I just didn't care for Nina's storyline. I was hoping for an emotional story about grief and loss that would make me reevaluate my perspective on love and death. I didn't get that. Not even close.

Nina, if you're reading this, I still love you. Please don't take this personally. I'm free on Wednesday night for a waffle date. Hmu.

I think I might actually write a review for this so rtc???

Instead of going to sleep at a reasonable time, I read this in one sitting

3.01/5 stars Everyone in this world is breathing borrowed air.
Hi, my name is Emi and I don't remember how to write a review so I'm gonna bullshit this so let's go!

Here's a fun boring ass fact about me that no one asked for, considering it's been almost a year since I wrote my last review so nobody remembers me anyways, let alone cares, but this is my review so I'm writing whatever the eff I want. You're probably not even reading this so whatever. But anyways, my favorite movie genre is sad teen movies where someone is definitely is gonna die but like the entire movie we pretend that nobody is going to die and then act surprised when they do.

Wow, I'm sorry, you can totally tell it's been a year since I've written a review. Sorry about the mess that is my words. I'll try to do better.

But to recap, I love ya adaptions that follow this simple formula:

1. “Based of the bestselling novel by John Green Author McAuthorface”
2. Teen might die? Or just died? Or if they do they thing they die.
3. Teen fall in love with another teen, who also might be dying (that part is optional)
4. “You can't be in love with teen! You/they/both of you die!” -grown adult that is like a parent figure to teen
5. someone dies and we cry
6. voice over that tells you an important lesson in life and we cry more
7. the end.

Honestly, that is such a formula for a perfect Emi-certified movie. I can't tell you how much I've seen Me and Earl and the Dying Girl or If I Stay or the AwesomenessTV miniseries Zac and Mia. I'm watching Everything Everything as I type this the plot twist at the end gets me everytime! I never see it coming Honestly, if you need a recommendation, I'm your girl.

Now, last year when I learned there was a new movie coming out that ticks off every box of my perfect movie checklist, I was like:



so the first chance I got, which happened to be thousands of feet in the air surrounded by strangers, and like do you know how hard it is not to cry surrounded by stangers? But like, not to toot my own horn, but like i did it. But then I realized, wait is this even a book? I've been book dumb for like two years at this point but like I've never heard of a book called Five Feet Apart about Cystic Fibrosis. Bc if it had existed, I'd have read it. But like, google exists so once I made it to land again, I searched that stuff and realized that hooray, there is a book, but also that this isn't a book to movie adaptation, but a movie to book. At least, that's the vibe I'm getting. According to the Five Feet Apart wikipedia page, the script was written pre-2017 and the book was published in 2018. Weird, I know, but like whatever. It's something I can read, so I one day shipped it off Amazon then proceeded to not touch the book until almost 6 months later.

Not that you wanted the whole story, but you got it. You're welcome.

Let's proceed to the actual book review if any of you are still here:

but this book is about a girl, named Stella, who has Cystic Fibrosis and super structured and planned out and runs a youtube chanel and codes apps and lots of other things that make me jealous bc she's more talented that me and she checks into her home away from home aka the hospital where she's super popular with everyone and she meets new CF patient Will who's the exact opposite of her and doesn't really care about living anymore and that drives Stella up a wall so she convinces him to start doing that and after two dates they love each other and she almost destroys her only chance of extended her life for him.

Like seriously girl, you've waited you whole effing life for a pair of lungs and you almost give it up for a guy? girl, you are more important then that guy you've known for two weeks

So because this was a movie-to-book kinda thing, that's what this book felt like. Things that were important were discussed very briefly, and not so important thing took paragraphs to describe. Most of the dialogue from the movie to the book are the exact same. Word from word. So while watching someone act it out on the movie, it was fine. It written down was the cheesiest, most cliche thing ever. It's the kind of dialogue that makes you shake your head and yell into the abyss that nobody talks like that. Stop making it a thing.

I'd find examples, but my books on the other side of the room so it's not happening. Just trust me.
And the characters are super cliche. Bad boy with soft heart. Talented friendly girl who has life totally planned out. They fall in love.

But like, also, I am a sucker for romance stories at this stage of my life when all my friends are married with babies and I still live with my mother.

I'm tired, so I'm done now. But congrats to me I wrote a review even though it sucks and only 20% of it was actually talking about the book. Whatever. Thanks for reading. You the bomb.com.
.

There's so much that people, American or not, can learn from Michelle's kindness, faith, and character

3.5/5 stars

Urghh this is a hard book to rate. I loved almost everything about this book, especially the main character. I loved her relationship with her brother. I loved how she cared about herself and the people around her. I also loved how personal this book fel. I can tell writing this probably meant soooo much for Tahereh and that is incredibly special.

But I'm starting to think Tahereh Mafi's writing isn't for me. I didn't love her writing style in Shatter Me and I didn't love it here. I found the romance to be rushed and instalovely. The dialouge to be stiff and repetitive.

2/5 stars

Though I finished Ender's Game three days ago, it feels like ages since I read it. In all honestly, I finished this book while curled up in a chair at the library, where the only sound was the ocassional footsteps and the birds flapping past the windows. So when I think of Ender's Game, I think of the peacefulness that I felt as I read the last 50 pages or so. And it isn't a feeling most people would get when reading this kind of book, but in all honestly this wasn't quite the book for me.

I'm not a heavy science fiction fan, and most of this book felt like the exact same scenes over and over again. I grew tired of the consistency and the blatant hints of the author's personal beliefs. Also the lack of strong female characters really left a hole in this book that was impossible to fill. I understand why this book is so loved, but it's just not my kind of book. I only read this book because I loved the movie, and honestly I think I might actually prefer the movie.

3.75/5 stars

3.5/5 stars

My one problem with this books is that I know in a couple months, I know for a fact I won't be able to tell you anything that happened in it. But as of right now, I liked it.

Lately, when I read something I end up hating, I wonder if the problem is me and not the book. However, the problem was definitely the book this time.

All these four and five star ratings people are throwing at it? I don't understand. Did we read the same book?

I would talk about a plot, but there really wasn't a strong one.

I'd talk about the characters, but none of them were interesting enough to discuss.

And I'd talk about the chemistry, but the only chemistry in this book was the test that Ben probably should have failed. Wait did he fail? I honestly don't remember.

About half this book was Hamilton references that could have been cut out completely. I love Hamilton just as much as the next guy, but Arthur has made me not want to listen to the soundtrack anytime soon. Plus mix in references to other musicals and Harry Potter on every other page. It was one, giant 400 page billboard. Especially to the company Lyft, which was mentioned no less than
5 times.

Also, Ben's fantasy fanfiction of his life has obliterated all excitement I had for Adam Silvera's upcoming fantasy book. It was literally the least interesting book-inside-a-book ever.

Also, speaking of fanfictions. This entire book felt like one. And not in a good way. I have all the respect for fanfictions, but fanfictiony writing is not for me.

I think I'm just gonna avoid every Becky Albertalli book from now on. I don't have one nice thing to say about any of her last three books. But Adam, darling, I know you can do better.

The first book, Caraval, is alright. It was good, but nothing special. I didn't really care for Scarlett. I definitely didn't care for Tella. I didn't really understand the world.

But this book? This book surprised me. The world building was phenomenal. Things I should have predicted, I didn't. And Tella? I want to be her best friend. I love Tella.

Still don't really care for Scarlett though.

Idk what to rate this so I'm gonna just give it four stars. That might change but like it might not. Don't trust me.

Zoya and Nikolai's storyline is one of the easiest 5 star ratings I'll ever give out. I still can't believe Leigh Bardugo did that. We don't deserve her talent. The Saints have truly blessed us.

I am in love with Zoya so much. Her character development is unmatched and urgh I love her. And Nikolai? If Zoya doesn't marry him, then I wil.

that heist scene with Kaz and Wylan and Jesper???? I can't. I just love them so much. And the ending? That last line? I know that Leigh Bardugo said this is going to be the last Grishaverse book for awhile but I need an entire saga of Kaz Brekker trying to steal that heart please and thank you.

But Nina's storyline? I just didn't care that much. I am glad she found love again, and Hanne is a really, really interesting character and I love that a lot, but my heart is just too loyal to Helnik.

Anyways, this book does justify my four-possibly-five copies of it because someone has to pay Leigh Bardugo's paychecks

Anyways, I am absolute trash for the Grishaverse. Stream Shadow and Bone on Netflix

1.75/2 stars

The only reason I'm rounding up is because of the representation in this book. The only plus.

But urghhhh, I hated everything else in this book, from the cringey dialogue, to possessive and pushy characters (cough Michael *cough) , to the way that I felt like it implied that people find happiness from being in relationships and giving grandbabies to their parents, to some of the worst (&cringeyest) smut scenes I've ever read to the fact it was almost like the book was trying to suggest (as other reviews have pointed out) that it's possible to fuck away autism. Ummm... No thank you.

Another book by Victoria that will be years until we see it.

She can't even start writing this one until next year. (according to  her twitter)

Honestly, Victoria, if you want my money I'll just give it to you. Stop torturing me like this.

And in this moment, I suddenly know that there is, in fact, a god somewhere out there answering my prayers.

5.26.2021 Update:

If you don't religiously follow Victoria Schwab's Instagram stories like I do, then you might not be aware of the following:

1. Victoria is going to publish a book called Gallant in March. It's up for pre-order now. here's a link (if you need it) to order it off book depository. I also recommend preordering it from your favorite local bookstore as well. Anyways, the rest of this update can wait as you go pre-order it....I'm waiting......and waiting.......got it? okay. Let's continue.

2. Now that Gallant is pretty much written, she can now focus on writing this book, the first book of Threads of Powers. (Also, allegedly, she has been plotting this book for 5+ years so you know it's going to be good. )

3. Every character that survives in Conjuring of Light will be in Threads of Power, but the MCs will be new characters

4. After she writes Threads of Power #1, she is going to write Victorious, the last book of the Villains trilogy, which is unimportant to the grand scheme of this review and Threads of Power, but I'm a slut for the Villains series so it's important for me so it's mentioned.

5. So in conclusions, this book is starting to get close close (in terms of VE Schwab being just one person and can only write one book at at time) so start getting your soul ready (and don't go making deals involving them to gods that answer after dark)

Oh Kasie West.

I thought I was getting an enemies-to-lovers fantasy, but instead what I got was a reallly bad case of insta-love.

Also this book was 500 pages and yet I feel like nothing actually happened. I'm so underwhelmed.

Why didn't anyone tell me this had morally gray characters acting on their own selfish desires? My favorite thing in books??? I would have read this a long time ago. I'm pissed at all of you.

Review to come. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow. But I can promise that it will come.

No release date. No title. No description. No anything. But it does says Victoria Schwab so I'm not going to be able to breathe correctly until it's in my hands.

Y'all can thank me, I sold my soul so we can get more Victoria Schwab books in 2018.

Anyways, I have a vague sense that I read this book somewhere before. Perhaps in another book by Schwab. Cough [b:The Archived|10929432|The Archived (The Archived, #1)|Victoria Schwab|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1338729878l/10929432.SX50.jpg|15846509] cough. But there's no Mackenzie and Wesley and it wasn't as good, which is a shame.

Also it's probably a three star book, but my future children's first words are probably gonna be “Victoria Schwab” so I added a bonus star just for that.

2.25/5 stars Don't be the girl who goes to college with a boyfriend. I must have read an entirely different series than everyone else. I must have. It's the only reasonable explanation. I always see reviews stating that these books are so cute and relatable? They leave me befuddled because I find them to be neither. Cute? No. Relatable? No. Annoying? Yes. Unnecessary? Yes. Me, when this book was over: Why did I even pick this up? Curse you adorable covers. I have always known you were my kryptonite Luckily, I buddy read this with the amazing Scrill!!!!!! who, somehow, read the same book that I did and had similar thoughts and feelings. Thanks Scrill. I'm glad you didn't leave me alone in this. What I wanted to happen in this book: 1. Lara Jean to grow up and start acting her age. What didn't happen in this book: 1. Lara Jean growing up and acting her age. How old was she even suppose to be? Because I'm not buying this 17/18 year old thing. She's passable at twelve. Was I suppose to like Lara Jean? I literally couldn't care less about anything that happened to her. She's just so immature and naive for her age. It would be one thing if she started out like that in the beginning of the series and did an entire 360 and was this strong, independent women at the end. But she wasn't, of course. She was still naive Lara Jean, the most consistent character I have had to read about. Every time she had any piece of dialogue, my eyes rolled so far to the back of my head that they might as well bought a vacation house there. I wish I tagged this book as I read so I'd have more receipts. #regerts I think couples costumes might be my favorite part of being in a couple. Besides the kissing, and the free rides, and Peter himself. What about the being with someone who fully understands you and who you are able to connect with? Who will support you and be with you no matter what? There's more to a relationship then couple costumes, kissing, and free rides. Or is that too much to ask for from a twelve-year-old? Also, in case you were wondering what Lara Jean's day is like. Step-by-step. Not even the littlest of details missing, then this is the book for you. Because she will tell you everything that happens to her. Important to the story or not. Usually the latter. I'm the cook. When we first got to the house, we went and did a big shopping trip and bought cold cuts, granola, dried pasta and jars of sauce, salsa, cereal. The one thing we didn't buy was toilet paper, which we ran out of on the second day. Every time we leave the house to eat lunch or dinner out, one of us steals a wad of toilet paper from the restaurant bathroom. Why we don't just go buy more, I don't know, but it turned into kind of a game. Chris is the clear winner, because she managed to get an economy-sized roll out of the dispenser, and she smuggled it out under her shirt. Like I guess that's supposed to be funny? But after almost 300 pages of unnecessary detail, the last thing I possibly care about was if Lara Jean had toilet paper or not. I didn't care. I still don't care. Also, was I suppose to care about LJ and Peter's relationship? Was I suppose to root for them to stay together? Because the only salvageable part of this entire book was towards the end and they predictably broke up. When that happened I was pretty much like If you are a fan of classic movies, much like I am, then you'll remember in one of the most iconic musical of all time, High School Musical 3 , when Gabriella broke up with Troy's sorry ass because she realized that her education at Stanford was more important than any relationship. If you don't remember, here's a link to the heartbreaking, but totally realistic scene Someone please have a movie marathon with Lara Jean and show her that entire movie like three times. She really needs to see it and learn that PETER IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN GETTING A GOOD EDUCATION. Honestly this entire book I was just hoping Lara Jean would pull a Gabriella and dump Peter and go live her life boyfriend-free. Just walk away, girl. You deserve better than that asshole. Honestly, Lara Jean and Peter have nothing in common at all. Unlike Troy and Gabriella, who were both insanely attractive people who could sing like angels . What did they even talk about? None of the conversations they ever had in this book were ever actually meaningful. Then there's Kitty who so impossibly annoying. She's what eleven? I don't think she's ever been told her entire life the word “no.” There are scenes where she's up past midnight and no one even gets mad at her. Or she says the meanest things ever and barely gets a negative reaction. Then she's told she can't come to a bachelorette party BECAUSE SHE'S ELEVEN so she sneaks her way into the bachelor party. Just no Kitty. Go back to playing with your dog who's non-existent this entire book .I would talk about how ridiculous the plot of this book is except there is no plot. None. At all.Everytime a conflict comes up it gets solved by the next page. Literally I fell asleep reading this book about 7 times and that's not an exaggeration. I mean if you like this book. That's cool. I'm glad you did. But I'm gonna go back to reading [a:Morgan Matson 3351454 Morgan Matson https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1281591801p2/3351454.jpg] contemporary books. I think I'm done with Jenny Han. She just isn't for me.

I can barely manage to write a book review, how does Kasie West publish like 508 books a year????

While this book was better than her 507 other books, it still wasn't good.

Definitely not good enough for me to write a review for it.

🤷‍♀️

Don't read this at night bc there's no way I'm sleeping tonight.